AIBU to Think this will go to court- stalking and harassment?

[Notcompsavvy]

I was seeing somebody for a few months and there were red flags in that time like sending me tens of messages at a time, calling me when I didn't reply, being overly "worried" if he didn't hear from me. Love bombing by being extremely kind and helpful and buying me gifts, love notes. Then on the flip side, being extensively jealous and questioning friendship with males and accusing me of things I had not done. He also did searches of me online, had my photo reverse searched and accused me of being on dating sites. So I ended things.
Instead of accepting it I was bombarded with messages and when I did not engage, this escalated to other incidents which really upset me so I reported him to the police. In the morning I made a statement to the police and provided all the photos/emails/texts and that evening he was arrested.
There are now ongoing investigations but there have been further incidents since the arrest which are definitely him but can't prove it. He is not allowed to come near me, my house or anything as it breaches bail conditions.
AIBU to think this will go to court? Does anyone have experience of this? The police acted very quickly when I reported so this led me to believe his actions were considered pretty serious or he is already known to the police?
The unknown is difficult and hard to wait patiently while wondering what the next horrible thing will happen.
Any advice or if anyone has been through similar?

So sorry you’re going through this. I’ve worked with people who’ve had similar experiences to you for over 20 years. Police investigations for cases like this can take a while - once they’ve gathered the evidence it will go to the CPS for them to make a charging decision. If they charge him then it will go to court.
Have you been referred for specialist support from a stalking/harassment/domestic abuse service? Advocates from services like this can be really good and chasing the police for updates and for giving you practical and emotional support.
Hope you get some help in place

So sorry you're going through this - have the police given you a crime number? You can call 101 for updates and quote that number. Can you get the name of the officer in charge of the investigation so you can ask for him/her to call and update you?

Please make sure you have secure locks on your doors and a ring doorbell. If you see him near your home, call 999 and tell them that he's under investigation for stalking. Don't take chances with your safety.

Let your employer know that this is happening. Make sure your reception/security staff have a photograph of him and know to look out for him. Have someone walk you to your car, especially if it's late and dark.

You can contact Paladin, they have expertise in stalking and can offer help and support

https://www.paladinservice.co.uk/get-support

I hope the investigation is completed quickly and you get a good resolution. Keep all evidence and keep contacting police for any new incidents. Tell your friends and family so they can support you too. Look after yourself lovely 💐

Working in this exact department I can assure you that police is coming in heavy handed in these cases. Main focus is something in our force is something called MVAWG( male violencce against women and girls.) If he had been arrested he would have had his phone seized. They will download it and review the messagess and his location at the time of the alleged offences. I say alleged because everything is alleged unless and untill proven. Continue to report even if you don't have proof is him. Stay in contact with officer in charge. Does he have bail conditons? Did you take into consideration a non molestation order? Did you require a Claire's Law? If you didn't, do it! You can also apply for a restraining order but this will come later as the Court will do this when.your case goes to CPS. Make sure your OIC knows if you want one. Unlike other oeders, this can be issues for long period (5 years, 10 years or indefinite). Does he have access or keys to your house? If yes, you can get your locks changed through a police scheme. Do you have any witnesses? Put them forward if they witnessed behaviour that is relevant to the offences. They can even issue you with a doorbell camera. Your victim engaging officer or IDVA can help you with that. I am sorry you are going through this. It will take some time but if he did it they will find him. And if he has done this before with another victim he might be getting jail. Best of luck. Stay strong and be prepared to wait.

Hi @Notcompsavvy . I’m sorry you’re going through this. I’ve had a similar experience, my ex was held on remand and convicted but with a suspended sentence. He then repeat offended and was then jailed for further offences.

It may go to court and police/CPS are generally better at recognising and dealing with these behaviour than they used to be, but it’s still not a slam dunk. Please take safety precautions as PP have suggested.

The police seem to be taking these cases very seriously. A friend of mine was in similar circumstances and I was a witness. There was a community sentence. Police handled it all very efficiently.

Hi @Xkk thank you for your post. I have had cctv fitted and my locks all upgraded and doors also made safer so this is giving a lot more peace of mind.
I am trying to find out the exact bail conditions as I saw him at a children's party at the weekend. He didn't leave, and he actually walked behind the seat i was sitting in and was practically within touching distance of me! I told the detective in charge and she said he had not breached his bail conditions?!? Only if he spoke to me he would! He could have walked a different way but didn't; was definitely trying to intimidate me. He had his phone up in my direction as well as if photographing/videoing me.

They've downloaded his phone. They just need to review it. I am praying there will be enough on there and with the evidence I've given it will go to court.

He has been extremely vindictive following arrest. Messages to my soon to be ex husband telling him lies about me being unfaithful amongst other things. But they were sent from his ex's account. She said she sent them so it's not going to be part of the investigation. But it's definitely all linked!
Also my car was damaged and driveway strewn with nails, again no proof but definitely him.
I've not been offered anything about non molestation orders etc.
It's really frustrating in a lot of ways. And all because I rejected him. Just accept it like a normal human being!

Thanks @Keepingthingsinteresting , did you worry about repercussions from a third party once he went to prison? I wonder who he knows and if he can inflict other actions against me.
It's the waiting for "the next thing"

Hi @Notcompsavvy . How did things go & how are you now? I didn’t mean to ignore you but didn’t get an alert and came across this on another thread today.

Hope all is ok and he’s now well and truly out of your life.

Hi @Keepingthingsinteresting
Gosh you must be psychic! The sentencing was due to happen on 19th August, but the courts didn't prepare the pre-sentencing report so it has been rescheduled for 2 weeks' time.
He actually was arrested for further stalking and breach of non-molestation order then he pleaded guilty to all 3 offences put to him by CPS. At that point they remanded him in custody whilst awaiting sentencing. On the 19th they also kept him in prison. This seems quite telling that he may get a prison sentence.
Once your perpetrator went to prison did that help.? Thanks for getting back to me x

That is amazing I am happy for you! If he pleaded guilty is bebcause prosecution had a very strong case! Did you get support?

Hi @Xkk yes I think once it went to CPS and they decided to charge him, he probably was advised that he would be found guilty. He continued to email my ex-husband, my work and even my kid's school with many vicious lies. Whilst I did not engage with him once. The day after he was served with a non-molestation order, he filled in paperwork for one against me which was granted! But then he didn't turn up to the return hearings!
I am thinking that because the magistrates wouldn't bail him whilst the pre-sentencing report is done, they must feel he's a serious threat. He will hopefully be sentenced on 2nd Sept. I have an IDVA who's supported me. It's all felt like an uphill struggle though. Particularly when I felt he breached bail and he breached the non mol and the police didn't do anything.
I'm not sure how long it will take for me to come to terms with everything.

I am sorry to hear what you've been through but all comes to an end now and is not a bad result at all. Stay strong and don't let him take any more from you. He's an idiot and he got it coming! One day at a time, trust me time is a healer no matter how cliche it sounds! You are doing amazing it takes a lot of strength to go through this. Vast majority of victims get stressed and overwhelmed and end up withdrawing support for police action. I understand how hard it is but is women like you who make sure that some of these idiots are being held accountable for their actions! Well done!

I’m pleased he’s been remanded which at least gives you some respite. Can’t believe about him trying for a non- mol, what a dick!

It did help somewhat, not least because I got to give my victim impact statement which personally helped me as I feel I got to reset the story back to reality not the bullshit he was spouting. I won’t lie and say it was all plain sailing as he did try to contact me again after he got out but I’d put measures in place so I didn’t see those attempts until long after the event so wasn’t a jarring he does occasionally pop up again but I whack it back down and the people around me have generally all been super helpful and supportive.

FYI in case useful I was told by the phone company if I had details of the conviction they would let me change my phone number for free which was a ball ache but shut down one route for him to get at me. Once he’d been convicted and sent to prison I also found it easier to tell people without feeling embarrassed (silly, but there you go) as the fact he was sent to prison made it clear it was serious no not “just” a bad ex. Telling people also made it harder for him to get in touch with me as people didn’t engage with him when he tried.

I also got cctv, which made me feel safer.

I hope the delay isn’t too long and you get some resolution soon.

Ps- have a think bout some therapy. I eventually got some and it was very useful helping me process what had happened. There is no satisfactory answer to ‘why’ which as quite a rational person I struggled with and it was helpful to dig into the detail of that so I could eventually accept it was just because he is a nutcase and it was nothing I had done or my fault.