To hate sleeping in the same room as my baby?

[YoohooPoo]

DS is 5 months and I hate him being in our room. We haven’t got a choice at the mo as our house purchase is still being sorted, surveyor has got to assess etc, plus it’s a bit of a fixer upper so we are living with my parents for time being.

The reason is because I get this horrible cold shudder down my entire body whenever he moves in his cot. It’s like every individual nerve in my body is being activated at once, and a sense of pure dread washes over me. Sometimes a cry follows but most of the time he’s just adjusting position. He sleeps through the night and doesn’t usually wake up once asleep for the night, but my body doesn’t seem to compute this and it’s driving me insane. When I’m trying to fall asleep and it happens, it takes a while for me to settle again. I know it’s a natural protective instinct but it feels like an anxiety attack to my body!

I don’t have PP depression, not sure on the anxiety part as I’ve always been quite physically anxious anyway. Is it normal? Has anyone else experienced this?

Maybe put in ear plugs? If baby cries you will hear but you don't need to hear every little grunt. I found the sensory deprivation a relief when I had that hyper alert feeling. I know what you mean.

I used to get like this. I would also try earplugs. The silicone ones. You will still hear a real cry but the low level noise is removed. Worth a go.

I was very much the same, they ended up in their own room otherwise I couldn’t sleep.

In hindsight I should have given them a baby monitor so they could hear us breathing or left them in with DH.

Ear plugs definitely, can't wait til mine is in her own room!!

I had this exact same situation, and it actually made me start crying during my daughter’s pediatrician appointment. Our pediatrician, who has five children of her own, told me to go ahead and put my daughter in her own room. It’s more important for a baby to have a healthy mother than it is for a baby to sleep in the parents’ room.

second earplugs too. i’d have gone crackers without… happy ears make amazing comfy ear plugs for sleeping. and you can still hear crying etc.

Would I still be able to hear alarm though with earplugs? I have a 5 year old so need to wake up for school run and be aware of her moving about in the house as she’s a bit of a mischief.

He will be getting his own room in new house but unfortunately not really an option here, he would have to sleep in the living room and I’m not sure I feel comfortable with doing that!

Oh I remember this well OP. I started using white noise, more for me than the baby! It helped drown out the little noises but obviously still heard the crying. My youngest is three now and I still can’t sleep without white noise!

My children all were in their own room after a couple of weeks. They all slept well between feeds and I was a happy rested Mummy.Used a baby monitor for peace of mind. Slept better then ,than when they were teenagers TBH !

I found white noise helped me with this. Both my babies liked it too. I got a little machine where you could choose the sound you wanted.

Baby can’t sleep without white noise so have been using it for months but no matter how loud it is, I still get that feeling! It’s like a sixth sense.

We shared a room with ours on holiday (DS was 18 months) and the three of us were constantly waking each other. It was horrendous. By night 3 I couldn’t stand it, so we moved his cot into the bathroom and he slept in there. We all slept well.

Could you use your bathroom? 😂

I sleep really deeply (drugged by multiple pain meds as well) and use ear plugs but yes, I do hear the alarm, although I usually set 2 or 3 at a few minutes apart just to be sure!

Not with my nocturnal family and their incessant toilet use 🤣 I think we will just suffer for now and have a celebration when he moves into his own room!

I really relate to this. DS2 is 5 now but a horrific sleeper, sleeping with him in our room was torture, I had to put him in his own room at 5 months. I am usually such a stickler for rules and guidance (my dream sleeper DS1 was in our room until 7 months).

Everytime he moved or I moved he would wake. I would lie there terrified of sneezing, rolling over, basically any movement as it would set him off and take ages to settle.

No advice really, just solidarity!

i relate to this. White noise and one ear plug in helped, but they didn’t eliminate the problem. Definitely moved babies out of the room as a consequence by 4 months.

Where is the 5 year old sleeping? If the baby sleeps through, why can't you put the two children in a room together?

DD is very loud (possible hearing issues) and likes to get up and stomp around at 5-6am. She has her own room at parents’ house. I would also not like to force her to share with baby as it’s her space. Also, at the moment he takes a while to settle and he won’t go to sleep until around 9-10 no matter when you decide his bedtime is!

You'll get the same with him in another room as the monitors are so sensitive.

I'd be tapering off the white noise, do it quieter each night. And I would use a snoozeband for yourself.

I've got an eye mask with headphones, on which I play a mindfulness audiobook to help me sleep. Maybe try that, played on a low volume so you can still hear what you need to? You can set a timer to switch it off at a certain time if needed.

I remember that feeling of dread all too well! You'll be glad to know it's a distant memory for me now that my youngest is 6. 😊

I was the same and thought moving the baby into her own room would help. Unfortunately, the background noise from the baby monitor gave me the same feeling of anxiety and constantly being on alert.

I don't know what the solution is, sorry! Baby is a toddler now and I did eventually just get used to it but it took another few months.

I slept with earplugs And baby in another room. I still woke up for every cry. I’m a very light sleeper and going every wriggle and snuffle kept me awake.

No, well you couldn’t do that. Unfortunately you don’t have the room for now, earplugs are your only option.

Well, I couldn’t sleep unless I could hear my baby snuffling away next to me and smell his biscuity head. Slept with him for bloody ages!
My friend on the other hand couldn’t abide the noises and bought a mat that went under her baby with an alarm that would go off if he stopped breathing. He was in his own room at 3 months.
I couldn’t imagine doing this, I’d be up all night worrying about whether the alarm was going to go off.
We’re all just so different. We must do what’s right for us and our babies.
If you can’t use another room, I’d get ear plugs op.