AIBU to stop my son staying overnight with his grandmother?

[Pistachiocoffeeyes]

To give some context - my son is 8 years old and basically gets ignored whilst we are there. He usually resides in the lounge twiddling his thumbs because she will not let him watch the T.V. He does not want to stay the night and I don’t feel as though he should be made to go just because she is his grandmother. Why can she not accept that we visit for a few hours and then travel back home!

I am not able to visit this time due to health reasons and I am unable to make DP understand DS’s feelings. He just says that DS spends too much time with my parents BUT they do activities with him - shooting, walking, go - karting etc.

How often does he have to go?

That's fair enough imo. I take my grandbaby out and he has my full attention.

If dad isn't willing to see the bairns point of view I think I'd be having a stern conversation with him, whether he gets the hump or not.

If he doesn't want to go then he shouldn't have to although if he's bored during visits can't he take things with him to entertain himself or some games for everyone to play

Your ds doesn't want to go. He finds his dgm boring. He shouldn't have to go.

Your dp is using his son to brook favour with his mother and that needs to stop.. He should grow a spine and tell her no, thanks.

If there are no concerns for his safety, then I wouldn't necessarily say he mustn't go. DH has every right to take his own child to see his family.

I would point out to DH that it is difficult for DS as he isn't included and try and encourage DH to do things that include DS while he is there. Also point out that in a few years DS will be old enough to make his own decisions and it is important that DH's family forge a relationship now if they want one in the future.

But a child being bored for a while and not centre of attention is ok. They won't combust. Those of us from pre-screens etc., can probably remember the mind numbing tedium of visiting family and having to sit quietly and behave.

Honestly I think he should go, sometimes we just need life lessons that teach us we can't always have what we want or that the world doesnt revolve around us, its okay be to be bored. I was bored often in my childhood and think i am a better person for it. I learnt to entertain myself, rather than the expectation today of having adults providing that. Its one night, he's not in any harms way and the worst thing he will be bored, he may come came an appreciate your parents more for all that they do for him.

Thank you for your replies so far. The last time DS went over was last weekend! He does take toys love him but I think now he’s a bit older, his patience runs thin with his toys. dS likes to go and play with his friend in the neighbourhood so they’re either at one or the others house and I like to get him out on runs, dog walks etc.

I do feel as though my DP is unable to stand up to his Mum. I get the sense that she keeps on pulling the death card ‘ill not going to be around much longer,’ ‘it’s not fair.’ I am at the end of my tether with it. She is not of ill - health by the way!

Just be honest and tell dp that he finds his mother boring and it’s getting to much to him. Limit it to once a month or every fortnight dp can go on his own?

ooh You have actually got me thinking with this one.

I like that you have pointed out that DP should be aware of this and not ignore him also as this happens when we are there. I am usually the only one entertaining my son.

Gosh, I am a lot softer than I thought! Perhaps it will teach him to finally start enjoying books! 🙏

I was going to suggest taking a book. It will be a good opportunity to get stuck into a good story or reference book

DP understands DS's feelings perfectly ("I don't want to stay there" isn't complicated or difficult to understand); he just cares about his parents' feelings more. I grew up a bit like this (close to one lot of grandparents, didn't really know the others, who lived a long way off, and never especially wanted to see them). But they weren't abusive or dangerous or anything, just a bit dull, and other family members wanted to see them, so to see them we went. I don't think it did me any harm (they were a lot poorer than the other side of the family, and experiencing a less privileged way of life probably did me good). As PP said, showing kids that sometimes you have to do things for other people and that not everything revolves around what they want isn't a bad lesson. Maybe have him stay over once a month?