Was I fat shamed at the gym earlier?

[Beryr]

I will keep this to the point. My local gym has a foyer area prior to the entrance and there are often different stalls/people trying to sell things. Today, there was two representatives of the gym. They were trying to sell personal trainer packages. I dodged them on entry but could hear them trying to loudly get peoples attention. On the way out, the female one shouted to me ‘have you got two minutes, can I help you lose that peri belly’. I said ‘excuse me’ and carried on walking out. I’ve since reflected on the incident and consider it most inappropriate and am wondering if I should complain. I am kicking myself for not saying something but I was totally shocked.

Also I don’t agree with what the person above says about keeping an email unemotional. I doubt the gym would want their paying customers to feel embarrassed, ashamed or harassed so I think it’s perfectly fair to tell them how you felt! This woman could do with hearing it so she has a bit more emotional intelligence

Definitely complain! Bang out of order!!!

Of course other people can make us feel shame. Some people, even cultures, rely on it to keep others in their place.

my flabber is ghasted

What did she think she was doing?!

if you have the name of the organisation, I would actually contact them and ask exactly that question.

Apart from anything else, how did they think they were going to get business by commenting negatively on someone's body, commenting on someone's age and commenting on someone's sex?

you want to complain.?..hang on.....did they say it in a mocking tone or just as a question ?...need more context....

Shame is an emotion we feel yes and it can also be felt because of people’s actions towards us

Exactly!!

It won’t belong before a perimenopausal woman shouts “fuck off” back at them. I am saying this as a perimenopausal woman WITH a peri belly

I clicked on YABU but it was a mistake. I would never hire a personal trainer who spoke to clients like that. I have a personal trainer who has only ever commented positively on my body, who sensitively made changes in technique to accommodate my big belly without making it a thing at all and who just wants to help me be strong and confident.

WTF! God help them if they had said that to me 😡. I’m sorry you had to experience this OP, some people are complete c**ts.

We really dont whatever tone they used it is completely and utterly inappropriate.

That's a disgusting comment. She has no idea of your age, circumstances & whether you're peri, menopausal etc. Ignorant cow

blimey.best everyone wrap themselves up in cotton wool when they go out in case some one says a hurty word...too many people nowadays get offended over nothing..

I don't know, in a gym setting they are aware that people are there for a reason, 9 times out of 10 that is to lose weight and get in better shape. They are there to sell a product.

Wow. That’s insanely rude.
yanbu

Are you 100% sure she said this? Is it possible you misheard her in any way?

If she definitely did, complain. What she did was very, very rude. Make sure that you complain to the right people so that she doesn't get away with this.

This is so bad. I am a PT and would never, EVER speak to someone like that. I never ever make references to someone’s size / shape unless it’s 100% positive and within the training context - I’m really sorry. I would definitely complain.

Yeah I’d be offended by that.

That would really upset me

So you wouldn't mind if some stranger called after you with unfavourable comments about your weight and shape, then?

No. Nowadays people are far more likely to call out people for offensive comments, and rightly so

I’d complain to the gym, outrageous to try to shame someone to spend money

There's easier ways to offer your services without offending someone. Even if I went into a gym because I was fat and needed to lose weight I wouldn't take kindly to a PT shouting me over to use their services so I can stop being fat
Some people may just be trying to improve overall fitness and strength and trying to feel a bit more positive about themselves, they don't need someone who works at the gym pointing out what they deem to be unattractive qualities about their body
A good PT should be asking what your goals are, which may well be to lose some tummy fat and tone up. But they shouldn't be telling you that's what you need as your goal

Complain to the gym, use the exact words.

I wouldn't say that it is fat shaming but I would say that it was completely inappropriate, presumptive and rude.

In your email to the gym you also need to make clear the business case for why they need to take your complaint seriously, this isn't just about a person with hurt feelings.

It damages the whole gym's reputation. You are one of their customers. If they want women in their 40s with a belly to feel welcome and to pay money for membership and use their services, they need to understand that this is absolutely not the way to go about it.

I say that as a woman in her 40s with a belly. Not a peri belly, just a belly on my body. I use the gym at least 3 times a week for cardio, weights, core work, swimming, I go to increase my fitness, strength, flexibility, stamina, mental health. I'm still overweight but I lift more, I run 5k regularly, I need to use my asthma pump less frequently, I'm sleeping better etc. I don't want to join a gym or continue a gym because I want some young goddess to give me a flat tummy, I want to work out to look after my bones, joints, muscles.