Feel like I wasted my life

[ThatFairy]

I feel like I wasted my best years in a bad relationship. We met when I was 16, broke up for good when I was 27 or 28. I'm now 36. He was really abusive and I spent most of that time depressed, anxious and struggling to cope. I could hardly get my bearings or stop for air because it was just continuous trauma.

After we broke up I spent the next several years trying to pull myself together. I ended up having psychotic breaks and I don't know if that's related to the PTSD. I've spent so long just trying to feel stable. I feel ok right now on my medication, but it's giving me some intolerable side effects. I only have experience in low skilled low paying work, and I can't even drive. Was just reading a post on "middle age" and thought, that will be me soon. I can't believe how stupid I've been with my life. It's ruined.

What am I meant to do ? I can't exactly go to university and start over I'd feel so out of place. I haven't dated all this time and just feel sort of like I'm getting past it now

You're 36 not 66. I know numerous people who have retrained in their 30s and gone on to a fulfilling career.
Im 65 now and how I wish I had done things differently but its too late for me now.
OP, you're still young, get out there and reach your full potential!!!

I'm not that up to date with higher education but if I were you I'd contact a university and discuss your options. With an HNC I'm sure you'd easily get on a course to convert to a degree.
You're doing brilliantly after everything you've gone through. All the very best @ThatFairy

Of course you can go to university! I completed my first degree at 37 and my second at 41. My dad did his first degree at 55!! There is absolutely nothing stopping you from improving your own life apart from your outlook and fear of change/the unknown. Be brave and just take a step. You could be enrolled and starting a degree in September.

I don't think you will get what you want out of university if you start while you still have so much going on. I'd take the time to get your sleep and MH stable, find out who you are now. It sounds like you wish you'd gone to university more than you want to go, you're grieving for the other person you think you could have been.

What do you enjoy now, are you still interested in Chemistry? Maybe take a few online courses in different things to see if anything catches you. Do you like working with people or on your own? What has made you really happy recently?

You are different than you were at 16, but it's not all bad, you have wisdom and life experience, you have learned so much and know how strong you are. You are not too old, not will you be in a few years, if that's what it takes to feel like yourself again and ready.

Thanks @SueKeeper. I know that I do need to focus on my mental health at the moment. The medication I'm taking is giving me bad side effects and I know it can take a lot of time trying new ones. Ive had problems with everything I've tried. And I really need a new psychiatrist. I haven't been going to appointments because I don't want to see him. And I've been taken off my sleeping pills. So yeah I really need to sort all this out. I do still like chemistry but I do realise I don't necessarily need a degree to have a job that I like

Anyone can go to university at any age
There is no age barrier to learning

However, I believe in England 60 may be the cut off age for a student loan. After 60, I believe that a person can self fund.

Do something for YOU !

Start looking at courses at your local college or library

I think focusing on uni as something to do in the future is a great idea, not so much right now.
You still sound like you are struggling and in no position to be starting a degree. Get yourself better and start the degree when you are fully well.

Thanks everyone. I don't really care about money that much. I just want a job that isn't mind- numbing monotony day in day out

You are writing this during the night when I find things feel really oppressive and worse.
Can I suggest looking to a college. Our local one is excellent and they also do degree courses and are often on evenings. Many of the students are older adults who are wanting to retain. We have also found that they have much better support for students than previously especially regarding mental health.
Take your time, at your own pace. Do mot worry about others. Be kind to yourself.

@Mama2many73 thanks. You have a good idea there about evening classes, as older adults can tend to go to those. I would love to study I've just been concerned about feeling too out of place

I've also thought about volunteering with women's aid when I get myself together a bit better. It would be good to help other young women not make the same mistake I did

Firstly, yes you can start over. You are rid of the abusive man. Every day you get stronger and more independent. Every day is an opportunity to do anything you wish, train as a chemist, choose a path that makes every day a pleasure. You've got 32 years and nothing stopping you except a worry about "what people will think". Who gives a toot what people think. Enjoy yourself. Show them what you are really capable of and be proud of yourself. 🙂

A friend of mine is doing a degree with the Open University. She is ten years older than you OP & is loving it.

I shared a similar timeline and wasted similar years with my abusive ex, divorced with two kids at 36. My life changed at 38 when I met dh and is now unrecognisable. Take small steps, slowly learning to drive and perhaps taking a job eg in retail or somewhere you could work to a managerial job, creating opportunities to meet new people. You are still so young and nowhere near middle age!