AIBU to expect him to be content after our family move?

[Manchestergirl1]

We have been together for 9 years, married for 3, 2 kids age 2 and 5m. We moved house just before the birth of our second child to my home town to be nearer to work and childcare. I strongly encouraged the move, he wasn’t keen. Since moving he’s telling me he’s down and flat, not excited about anything and being very negative generally. I’m sure it’s all to do with moving away from a city, he’s got a grass is greener attitude talking about getting through these years so we can move somewhere more exciting and have a lust for life again but I feel life is happening now and want him to be satisfied with it. AIBU? Why is he not grateful of what we have, beautiful house and 2 kids? Careers within a commutable distance?

so what you’re asking is…
”everything’s been changed for MY benefit! How dare he not be singing from the rafters about how happy he is!!” ? 🤨

Well, he should not have agreed to the move if he was so unseen, but surely you can see that your reasons for wanting to live somewhere aren’t his?

He wasnt keen, you did it anyway and now wonder why he isn't happy about it?
Surely you aren't serious?

As PP have already pointed out, this reads as you pushing the move, him being reluctant and then you being disappointed in him when he’s not keen on living in the new place. Sounds like you should have found a compromise!

Yep. Sums it up!

Because he never wanted to move there in the first place and you’ve driven all of it?

I think you should be more sensitive to how the move has affected him rather than purely focusing on how you feel about it and expecting him to feel the same.

Think should have stuck with where you were if he wasn't keen. This goes with any couple planning any big change I think, like having another child to moving job or location. Both must be on board for a big change or it doesn't go well. How difficult would it be to return to your previous location?

From ops post I don’t think his views are of any importance..

it was a compromise for us to live here short term, it was for both of our benefits rather than just mine, with work and childcare (more nuanced than I initially spelled out). We had a lot of back and forth about it and I suggested we pull out of the move but he wanted to go ahead. I didn’t foresee it affecting him in the way it has. Hard to go back and do things differently now

He was reluctant and you didn’t listen. It’s a shame. Your decision made sense practically but didn’t take into account his feelings. Maybe he’s a bit resentful. Lots of talking needs to happen between you.

How long is it since you moved?
Are there things you can do as a family to help him feel happier where you now find yourself?

We moved 5-6 months ago, I have found him local clubs (he says he’s too busy with work and not interested), planned lots of days out, visits from mutual friends etc but no improvement yet.

I'm not sure why it's a surprise to you he's unhappy living somewhere he told you he didn't want to live. It sounds like he gave in to the decision rather than any enthusiastic agreement. All you can do is look at how it can be resolved and agree next steps together

I do feel really sorry for him. It's very hard living somewhere you're not happy.

You feel like your real life is happening somewhere else.

Can you go back?

You can’t expect him to be happy when he never wanted it in the first place, my husband did the same to me more or less made me move to an area I did not want to go to I’ve tried my hardest to get used to the new area made a few new friends and acquaintances etc but I can’t get used to it but he now won’t even consider or talk about going back and I’m starting to detest him for it