AIBU to block DD12’s hidden tablet on wifi without discussing it?

[YourNeedyBee]

TL:DR Found a secret tablet in DD12s room. Blocked the wifi. YABU talk to her. YANBU ignore.

I was changing the sheets on her bed, and tucked under a blanket at the bottom is a cheap (£30 on TEMU) tablet. It's password protected but I can see she has notifications on tiktok which she is not allowed on her phone.

Background is lots of recent dishonesty around screens (hacking my family link to extend her screen time, changing the time on her phone to outwit the downtime set up.) which culminated in me banning screens in her room about 2 months ago.

The sensible part knows I should probably talk to her about it BUT she is genuinely impossible to have a conversation with 90% of the time. She will interrupt every other word, get really heightened and aggressive, threaten not to go to school, threaten running away. She doesn't have any perspective at the moment (although outside the home she is doing well at school, polite and calm).

Part of me thinks now I know about it I can just block the device on our wifi app - she's wasted her money and why start drama. Of course she may figure out I know when she realises it's been blocked, but I guess she can raise it with me if she wants to.
WWYD?

You have to talk to her about it.

She can just get online another way without WiFi. You 100% need to talk.

You need to take her phone and any other devices off her. You also need to find out how she managed to buy the tablet without you knowing, cut off access to funds and have her leave the house only to go to school for now. This may seen extreme but she could be being groomed online which is why she has the extra device and groomed kids are brainwashed kids who are not thinking logically. Also shes a child. She needs to be told what she can and cannot do.

Am I out of touch but how does a 12 year old have access to a card that buys a £30 temu tablet without any parent knowing?

I'd take the tablet and wait for her to raise it with you.

She can just hot spot it using a different device like a mobile phone or computer.

Where is she getting this money and products from. I'd be more concerned about county lines, grooming or exploration.

Realistically. You need to confiscated the device and talk to her about first breaking the rules and secondly where she's getting money from and if she's in any trouble.

Go through the tablet with a fine tooth comb and see who’s she is messaging, what content she’s consuming etc.
Find out how she bought it without you knowing

Most bank accounts give you a debit card from 11 years old. Presumably she used that. Or she has something like “Go Henry” which is a card designed for kids?

This.

Edited as meant to say to op

You can't discipline her for this if you don't acknowledge it and you absolutely have to discipline her, that much is clear.

I'd give her 24 hours to see if she raises it I think. As if she doesn't, it might be an indicator that there's another way she is getting on TikTok.

Sorry I meant actually taking it from the room, not just blocking it.

You need to talk her. You are the parent here and you need to know what is going on here because it sounds very concerning tbh, I would be going through that tablet and her phone or other devices very carefully.

I have a 12 year old - they have a very locked down phone, which I reserve the right to look at at any time. They have a small amount of cash for sweets at the shop. There is absolutely no way they would have a bank card to make online purchases, and if I found they were lying to me or circumventing the rules of their phone I’d be confiscating it and giving them the family Nokia brick for emergencies.

Yes you need to talk to your child about where they got the tablet from - and insist they unlock it so you can see what they’ve been doing on it. And then I’d say you need to confiscate all their devices and potentially reconsider where they’re going unsupervised and with whom. Your child is 12 - what do you think they’ll be like at 15 at this rate?

I think I would have to have it out with her - where and how she obtained it or who gave it to her, what is she doing on it, who is she contacting. I'm afraid I would go scorched earth - she would be grounded, the devices removed and if she didn't give access to the tablet and other devices she would not be getting any online access unless it was schoolwork, under supervision. I would also try and talk to her about online safety, friendships and dangers
It is very possible that she is being groomed either with gifts or money

It’s the ‘without parents knowing’ part that is the problem. Yes, they can have debit cards but they absolutely should not be free to spend without anyone doing basic checks to see wtf they are buying. I check my accounts regularly and when my DC were children I checked theirs too.