AIBU to feel hurt that my son's friends are excluding him?

[Jojotodd]

Ok so I think I am being unreasonable but I can’t help but feel hurt by something even though I know I should probably just let it go…
My DS (12) has had a close friend (K) since nursery and also another close friend (L) outside of school. He always struggled with the boys in his class so it was nice that he had a friendship outside of school that lasted even though they were at different primary schools.
Anyway, recently these two friends have ended up hanging out and not asking my DS. They only know each other through my DS and would probably not be friends if not for him. What hurts too is that L’s mum knew my worries about this and has organised a hang out without including my DS.
What I worry about most is that he will end up being left out for good. I realise that there is nothing I can do about this but it’s giving me a little pit in my stomach.
i wish I didn’t worry about these things so much!!

You're not being unreasonable to be worried on behalf of your son, but you are to think it's unreasonable of the other mum to try and control who her son sees and doesn't see in this context.

we need more context
Is your son is inviting them round and to meet up with him and they are declining to spend time alone?

Encourage new friendships elsewhere. Best to do it through different activities outside of school. That way he's not reliant on those 2 and lessens risk of hurt and disappointment.

You're not unreasonable. My heart would (and has!) ached too.

I wouldn't speak to other mum. You can't force that friendship and it will embarrass him. You don't want him to ridiculed at school.

Nursery/primary friendships often don't survive the transition to secondary, especially if the friendship has been mostly driven by the mothers.

He needs to get to know more people, in and out of school, with a view to widening his circle of friends. It's never a good idea to be reliant on just one or two friends.

It is heart breaking.
Personally, I do think L’s mum is being out of order BUT sadly that’s what a lot of mum’s are like. It’s all fine when their DCs are not on the receiving end of it.

I would definitely get him to join a club and to meet other boys and girls, and expand his horizon.

I understand why you’re upset, but I think you’re unreasonable about L’s Mum - they’re secondary school age not preschoolers and they’re allowed to choose who they want to see and hang out with. They may well be very different people to who they were at nursery and have outgrown their friendship with your son, or they may just be exploring new friendships and moving on. But you can’t expect their Mums to arrange play dates for them or tell them who to be friends with- they’re far too old for that. How do you even know they’re meeting up without him? If they’re making arrangements in front of him or showing off they’re excluding him then that’s different and I’d expect a parent to tell them to be kinder about how they’re going about things.

Focus on encouraging your son to find new friends.