Why are baby groups not centred around the mother’s interests?

[motherofakoalaboy]

Recently because me and DH are thinking of a second child i have started to think if I would go to baby groups this time around. I did really struggle to enjoy them with DS now almost 2 as a) he was a very highly strung fussy baby so actually enjoying the group was difficult and b) i guess i was lucky that DH was at home so i did have adult company.

I did think would I do it for baby 2 if baby 2 is easier. Now in all honesty my answer is leaning towards no. The groups that we had I was doing the sensory stuff and songs at home anyways and until 1 babies are fairly oblivious to each other etc so for the baby there is not so much of a benefit which is why most people say it is for the mothers. Which is great at the same time it’s then I would still be reluctant to go as to why is it assumed i would bond with someone just because our babies are around the same age which got me wondering why are the baby groups not more centred around the mother’s interests. Like a book and baby group, walk and baby group, art and baby group etc.

A (now) friend started a bring your baby book club - it was great, meant you were having interesting conversations with people not just about naps and feeding. We all then just organised it together, agreeing the next date, book, and venue (friendly cafes and pubs / parks / houses of people with room...). She advertised it on various mailing lists / local groups etc to find the initial interested people. Maybe try setting up something similar?

that is a shame really :( still happy to chat about these interests with anyone even mothers of 17 year olds

that sounds so great and will see what baby 2 is like and maybe give that a try (fingers crossed it will not be like with DS)

that is so great you met your best friend there. it is even greater that you both had babies a similar age that must have been great

I found the same - and that heartbeeps thing was the worst of all. Even my baby was looking around with a wtf face! 😂 We only did one of them!

I did take her to baby swimming and baby massage, which she did seem to actively enjoy. And the massage lady baked cakes so we all had tea and cake afterwards, that was lovely!

Another thing I reckon could work well would be offering language exchange with / setting up a group for parents on mat leave to share or learn languages. Again, on a bring your baby basis.

Baby signing is also really fun and interesting for the parent as well as useful for everyone (if there's a group in your area). I think most classes will involve singing and signing to your baby in a circle like baby sensory(!!) but, especially if you can find one that's BSL-aligned, and if you practice at home etc, it can giving you a great intro to / gateway into signing...

I think they mostly "work" for mums for one of two reasons:

1. it's the only thing available that gets them out of the house and convenes other mums to socialise
2. they're not quite confident yet at the "playing a children's entertainer" bit of parenting, and like the guidance

I'm really lucky that there's a local drama class for toddlers. It's mostly kids running around in circles pretending to be dinosaurs whilst the leader plays bangers from the 80s-00s from when the mums were young.

Some are? I did baby cinema, baby pub quiz, baby stand up comedy, a mums choir, and loads of pub visits with babies in tow!

There are plenty around, you can try a few to find the right fit. For me it was more about the other mums who went rather than the actual activity

We are in London so I recognise there is a lot of choice, but we did have bring your baby quizzes, bring your baby exercise classes, bring your baby choirs, baby friendly cinema, baby friendly comedy bring your baby to bingo and also baby friendly wine & cheese tastings (obviously very small amounts of wine - was more about the art of learning how to taste wine and what to look for in pairing with cheese so that noone got sloshed in charge of a baby). So i think there is definitely a market out there!

In York there is one wear you put your baby In a sling and learn to Salsa dance. Always looks fun when I walk past. We didn’t have anything like that in my day!

OP I live in your area and I am on mat leave with a baby currently!! Do not worry - there is plenty of stuff aimed at mums in North/west Leeds vicinityincluding:
Mum + baby yoga / pilates / reformer / exercise
Baby Cinema
Mother's choir
Several mother's circles (journalling/mediation/relaxation etc)
Baby forest school ( chat in the forest with mums drinking tea/eating cake whilst babies look at the trees)
There's a woman who runs local food tours and does a BYO baby version in pram accessible venues
There are often baby friendly events on at Leeds art gallery and Yorkshire Sculpture Park

I did all the baby sensory shit with my first born and I vowed I was having a "selfish" mat leave this time around!

I went to a great buggy-fit walking group for mums and babies, there’s lots of mum and baby yoga/ fitness classes about
theres baby cinema in lots of cinemas now where they play films (for grown ups) on a slightly lower volume and you can just sit there munching popcorn and sipping coke while feeding/cuddling your baby. My personal fave.

I saw loads. Buggy fit, mum and baby yoga, bring your baby pub quiz and wine tasting and cinema

I have great memories of buggyfit- I'd forgotten about that!

Our area has loads of the ones already mentioned. The main issue I had when I had two DC was that many of the more grown up friendly activities were only really suitable for babies and not a toddler - we couldn't do baby cinema anymore because the films weren't suitable for 3yo. I did a mum exercise class for years which was good fun and a church hall playgroup which was an easy cheap option.

Thank you for expressing it like that. I’m old now but felt exactly like that 25 years ago when I watched all these mothers with beatific faces singing ‘wind the bobbin up’. I thought I was going mad and wondered what was wrong with me.

Me too. I thought I'd never fit in.
I found my tribe in the end - of non beatific mothers !
Still friends now 23 years later!

Glad it wasn't just me! In hindsight I was dreadfully depressed but this thing would happen where I'd be singing and then choke a bit and the song would come out like a gurgle and I knew I just had to leave before I embarrassingly start to cry. My little daughter would look up concerned like she knew (she was only 6-9m or so, she definitely didn't!).

I quickly got better when I did two things, I attended a birth trauma peer support group and went back to work. Thank goodness for work!

But then when I had my second I mostly avoided those groups, or took my 4yo with me and everything is more lighthearted with a 4yo in tow.

But yeah I think a pp mentioned the stay and plays at the children's centre - those were shut in lockdown with my first but they were good with my second. We left before the singing at the end. Really fab with no expectations of cheeriness, you could just sit and read a magazine if you wanted. Also free of charge so I didn't feel that misplaced waste of money guilt if I left early.

I live for baby cinema. Genuinely a joy 🤩

Sounds amazing! Actually my favourite baby group was mum and baby yoga. Meant I could keep up with my hobby in some form. I don't think babies need the sensory one, I just went to get out the house.

I know cinemas in my city do parent and baby screenings, definitely good while they're newborns! I never managed to go before mine was paying too much attention for me to be comfortable putting a TV on around him, but that was me.

There's also a good network of mums trying to exercise with their babies, walks and exercise classes adapted for having a pram or a carrier.

Parents for the Future - not a baby group but an organisation for parents concerned about climate change, family friendly events.

But yeah start one! Though I struggled to read since having mine, and I've always loved reading. Just so much brain fog and no hands. Maybe a book club would have motivated me though!

I’m in a city but I did mum and baby exercise, parent and baby cross fit, baby cinema, parent and baby yoga.. we’re spoilt for choice here tbf

I had my first baby in the winter and every Tuesday my NCT group would go to baby cinema then out for lunch and a glass of wine. Best time of my life 😂

loads around here

was at the cinema pretty much every Monday with the baby

there was a few comedy shows during the day in local pub

bring your baby yoga Thursdays

table quiz monthly in one of local pubs

even Was a wine tasting session I went to with wine and nibbles

i guess I’m lucky these are all within my area -I kinda just took that for granted that these things were all on?

I hope you find some options op!

I went to a daytime “language cafe” at the library to work on my languages. Not everyone had a baby but there were several of us.

I also went to scrabble club at a social centre. A mix of people with babies/toddlers and old people who liked scrabble and/or small children. It was a relief to not sing wheels on the bus. We kept going until my youngest started reception. The kids dozed or rolled around the floor playing or did jigsaws. I now have mad scrabble skillz.

My other fake toddler group was the crèche at the council leisure centre. I could leave DC to socialise/play and go for a swim or have a long shower.