Not cutting up DS’ grapes?

[moryn]

I was approached by a member of staff at pick up today, to tell me that the kitchen staff expressed concerns that DS’ grapes were whole and not cut up.

He’s 7.5. He chews properly, sits still to eat etc.

I was under the impression that the guidance is for children aged 5 and below.

AIBU here?

Exactly, choking deaths also include inhalation, the majority don't tend to be on food.

I just don’t get what the down side is of cutting grapes up. Other than being judged on MN of course.

See above, I was wrong on the 20 being grapes. Haven’t energy now to research how many kids die in RTAs, despite wearing seatbelts, but it’s definitely a way riskier practice.

I do think there’s a big downside to this kind of thinking - it’s allowing the voice of anxiety to be seen as reasonable and appropriate, and that is being communicated to kids. I actually have a 7yr old whose grapes I do not cut because I don’t want her to have an unnecessary message that eating is a dangerous activity. She has a friend who’s mum cuts grapes and DD has questioned me on this, it’s quite confusing for her, like she’s tried to work out is there something about her friend that means she can’t have full grapes, and if not, why does friends mum think differently to her mum?

We all just have to do what we feel comfy with but personally I worry more about how our kids’ lives these days are influenced by adult anxiety.

Honestly who begrudges spending a minute chopping up grapes when it reduces the risk to a loved one? I never pull away in my car until everyone has their seatbelts done up - and my mum takes FOREVER! - even if wasn't the law, you do what you can to protect the people you love. It's not that hard a concept. Cutting up grapes isn't exactly failure to launch is it? It's risk mitigation at the lowest level. Guess what - it's not illegal not to have a fire alarm in your house in the UK (unless rented) but how many people skimp on that? Some of these comparisons are beyond stupid. And having a fire alarm doesn't given people anxiety over fire breaking out and make them scared of candles.

I cut my toddlers grapes, but my older children (4yrs+) won't touch them if they're cut up in advance for a lunchbox. I don't usually include them for school anyway, but when I do they're whole.

I cut my toddlers grapes, but my older children (4yrs+) won't touch them if they're cut up in advance for a lunchbox. I don't usually include them for school anyway, but when I do they're whole.

Apart from the fact that if you leave them for more than a few minutes they go manky

Just to say about the mini egg thing, people also say the same about ice cubes. If you or your child chokes on a whole ice cube, yes it will melt, but have you ever waited to see how long an ice cube typically takes to melt? It’s minutes, if not more, and by that time your organs have been starved of oxygen.
I cut up grapes for my 9 year old, out of habit mainly and because I’ve always done it. I don’t care what other people do with their children, if you want to take the (albeit, small) risk then you can explain that to the coroner if something ever does go wrong, same as you would explain to the police if your child wasn’t wearing a seat belt and then went through the window.
Also, some other foods to watch out for, popcorn, marshmallows and jelly 🙂😂

Exactly what I was going to write!

Why not? Records show not a single liquidised child has choked on a grape in the last 20 years,

Seriously, it isn't a joking matter: having nearly choked seriously on an almond that went down whole, I can envisage they really could be problematic.

I also heard banana is a problem as it sticks and won't dislodge, as does chewed bread. Sitting still when eating really is important.

If you really want your child to develop robustness, surely it is better to acknowledge eating CAN be dangerous and teach them to manage the danger by taking appropriate precautions, rather then denying and hiding the fact choking is a genuine risk. That's not managing anxiety, it's just sustaining ignorance.

If you'd read a single other post of mine you'd see I don't think 'it's a joking matter' - we're all allowed to run out of steam and feel frustrated by idiocy.

I was really referring to my jocular response to your comment.

You were? Sorry wasn't clear to me and it's late and I am tired and there has been so much nonsense on this thread. Apologies.

I feel like there's a collective fear of grapes in today's society, instilled in us by health visitors. So you're probably not unreasonable but the person who asked you to cut them up just has the fear.

Omg I just stopped cutting grapes for my almost 5 year old but after reading this thread I think I'll start cutting them again and possibly also for my 8 year old. I've told them to first bite into grapes before they put them in their mouth but pretty sure they don't do that. I don't either.

However if grapes are particularly dangerous what about other similar food like blueberries, cocktail tomatoes, olives, oval shaped hard sweets, etc?

Yes. Sausage and cherry tomatoes due to size and shape are also a high risk. As are boiled sweets. Like pp said, you can choke on anything at any age, but grapes are almost impossible to dislodge which is why the extra precautions.

Lollipops are the ones that really scare me. I will never understand why people still let children have them!

I didn’t say I don’t teach them to eat safely or ever discuss choking. What I disagree with is the message that ‘until you are an adult, you are at such risk from a particular food that I need to cut it up for you’ - which I believe is anxiety inducing because the level of risk is not proportionate.

Exactly, I don't know why people are acting like it's such a big deal to cut them
up or like it's SO over protective. Makes you wonder what else is too much trouble to stop a 6yo dying??

Something cut in half doesn't TASTE as nice?

????

The thing that always strikes me as odd is when parents will cut grapes in half but think nothing of their child having access to boiled sweets. It was a chewy sweet that caused my ds to choke. Dsis saved his life.

So while I understand why grapes are routinely cut up for young children, you cannot eliminate all risk, forever. And if you're still cutting up grapes for a 13yo, as a pp is, then you probably need some perspective on risk across various ages. Popcorn lung is far more likely than choking at that age...

I wonder if they'd like to post on here???

Well at least some good has come of the thread. It's good to know someone can take information on board & change their mind 👍🏻😊

Knowing & doing are two different things, plus all they have to do is laugh and a grape can get lodged in the airway & it's virtually impossible to get them back out, even in a hospital with knowledge & tools. Which you wouldn't even have the chance of if it happened at school.