to wonder why some women can be funny around other women who’ve just split up, especially when it comes to their husbands?

[HazelMember]

I’ve noticed this a few times now. A woman becomes newly separated or single and there’s a bit of a shift. Some women go a bit cooler or more guarded, like she’s now someone to be wary of around their DH. It’s not always obvious but it’s there in the background.

But you don’t really see the same thing with men who’ve just split up. No one seems to be keeping an eye on them in the same way or acting like they’re a risk. If anything they just carry on as normal or get a bit of sympathy.

It feels like a double standard. Why is the single woman seen as the potential problem rather than the married man being expected to behave himself? Why does her relationship status suddenly change how some women treat her?

I am not saying this happens to every newly single woman.

As a man - when I split up I didn't have any problems with any of my male friends who were in relationships. The opposite actually - the couples were massively supportive and helped get me out and about. It was a mutual agreed split and I certainly didn't have anyone lined up. I was happily single for about ten years until I happened to sit next to my current partner at a Xmas do.

A widowed female friend lost a couple of couples friends after her husband died. She is pretty sure that it was the women who influenced the decision.

I've experienced it as a male. DH' & DP's are friendly but cautious.

I've experienced it. To the point that one of my friends bluntly instructed me to only invite the girls to my birthday party.
Have just one couple friend who don't do this. They are stars and they'll never really know how grateful I am

@Classiclines and @Condbottle As a widow I echo both your experiences. I was surprised at the "happily married" husbands of friends sniffing around me and the exclusion from previous friend circles. Judging by my experiences, their wives have every reason to be worried. I've also noticed that it's a different ball game for widowed or divorced men who are generally "mothered" and looked after.

@ToKittyornottoKitty "And also plenty who have said it hasn’t. I still think it’s weird you’ve personally witnessed this several times with women, and also several times with men where it’s not happened. Says more about the company you keep."

Although I can only speak for widows, it's a very well known thing. If you join any widows forum (which I hope you don't have to) it's one of the major things they talk about. And it's always been thus. My Mum experienced it when she was widowed in 1978. And I can assure you, we don't all keep degenerative company.

I’ve experienced it - when I split up with DD’s dad a whole group of friends dropped me like a hot potato. Luckily another friend warned me about it but it till hurt.

I’ve also had “friends” who weren’t interested in socialising unless I had a man to bring along.

It suggests to me that the women are concerned their dh’s might see a single vulnerable woman as fair game.

says more about the women and their partners than it does about the newly single woman.

Men foolishly rarely imagine that their wives could find another man more attractive than themselves.
Women erroneously often imagine that their husbands are attractive to women other than themselves.

Never encountered this personally when I was single and I don't think my female friends do this to single women in our circle.

Have read about it often and have encountered a number of women who get absurdly territorial about their partners - the kind whose hackles go up as soon as they see any other woman, let alone a single one. MN provides both in spades - so many posters seem to think territorialism is the default, natural state of a marriage. I don't know whether it's because they're toxic and jealous or if their husbands are inveterate cheats, and frankly I don't care - I don't want to be anywhere in the vicinity of those relationships and those people.

When I split from my DCs father, previous friends literally crossed the road from me. Dashed around corners in supermarkets. Pretended they were busy.

One by one, they also split up and they all reached out to me. I'm afraid I was also 'busy'.

I’ve seen it with my aunt was she was widowed & my friend who divorced.

Yes, I’m often amused by the latter on here. The ‘My Nigel is irresistible to al, women’ delusion.

I don’t think it’s just fear of “losing your man”but some seem to think divorcing etc is catching or like to do things as couples