For not going to see elderly grandparents

[Outandabout43]

Grandparents live an hour away and I tend to see them every Saturday, would love to see them more but I'm working full time as well as having small children. Throughout the week my dad and brother will go and visit as they live 5 mins down the road. I'm my grandparents NOK and sort out home appointments, meds etc remotely.

Last week I went on holiday with DH and children, was a full on busy 5 days with Friday being a 13 hour drive back from Europe. I did the whole drive.

On the way back my dad called to ask if I could do my grandparents shopping on saturday when I went to see them, I explained i would be missing a week as I was exhausted, had to sort stuff out ready for kids to go back to school and had just completed a 13 hour drive.

My dad was furious and just responded that he drives 8 hours a day for work, told me i'm selfish, put the phone down on me and hasn't spoke to me since.

AIBU and selfish for missing a week?

Why are you the NOK?

YANBU. I think you know that.

Is it sustainable for you to continue doing a two hour round trip every Saturday and presumably spending a few hours there as well?

It kind of just fell that way to be NOK. Honestly it kills me each week to go, but I do adore my grandparents and know they don't have long left.

FFS women, get back in your place! How very dare you expect your dad to do The Shopping or ask your brother-down-the-road.

I hope you give him full barrels when he next contacts you.

Set up online shopping for them - at least one of the main supermarkets will deliver to them - and say you'll do it that way from now on. And be very careful setting your boundaries for what you can do.

Plus if your dad lives 5 minutes away from them and can't pop in with some basics, then I know who's being selfish here

Maybe your dh could have driven and you'd have saved some energy. Would have been good to figure it all out in advance I guess then everyone has same expectations

YANBU, but I hope your DH is pulling his weight sorting out the stuff for the kids to go back to school as you did all the driving. It does sound a bit like everything is on your shoulders rather than any of the men really stepping up.

I personally wouldn’t have been NOK for grandparents when other equally close / closer relatives live nearer. Is it time for your dad or brother to take this on, particularly as you have a young family?

Are they your Dad’s parents? It would be much easier for him to do their shopping this week. YANBU to miss a week.