House guests…

[houseguestsaibu]

Aibu regarding house guests?

Got family staying for a week at the moment (I know a week is hell in mumsnet terms!)
Normally I like to get up around 6/7am and sit with a coffee and my book for a hour or two till the kids are up. I don’t want to make small talk, I don’t want to talk or be hassled.
Our house guests soon as they hear me move, immediately jump out of bed and try and start conversations like why?! I don’t want to be hassled this early on in the day it actually makes the day feel a hell a lot longer too especially when entertaining guests. They don’t have kids so no need to jump up.

aibu to think it’s bad equiete to bug your hosts this early in the day?

This is part of the reason I don't encourage guests to stay at ours, and I basically refuse to stay at other peoples homes. That first hour in the morning where it's just me and my cup of tea sets the tone for my whole day. It's akin to someone who likes to end the day with a glass of wine. I barely even speak to my husband for the first hour of the day, my brain just needs that time to be peaceful. The thought of having to make conversation with other people, or even just knowing they're there and awake would be awful.

I really sympathise, OP. I'm expecting house guests next week - 2 very old friends, and I suppose we all have our funny little ways.

Yes, one in particular will bustle out of bed and come downstairs as soon as she hears me....I just know. This is the only bad thing I'm anticipating, but it does bug me. Like you I'm a very early riser and I need my quiet time to read and have some coffee. I wish people would realise that having people staying is stressful and tiring and NOT to bother the host before breakfast. Now, this seems bloody obvious to me...but not to everyone, it seems.

I love watching in films/TV or reading about those country house parties of the past (esp between the wars). Very civilised - you met for meals and some organised events, but otherwise were expected to entertain yourself with walks or reading in the library etc etc. I'm sure they were very enjoyable because (servants apart) people weren't in each other's hair all day for several days!

I'm preparing in 2 ways: 1) I will plan how to put it perfectly politely but clearly that I don't want to see anyone before breakfast and 2) I'm also going to tell them I'm an early-to-bed person and need my rest (they will both talk till the small hours otherwise.

How did you word it, when you spoke to them? As a pp has said, if it was a terribly british ‘oh don’t feel you have to get up when I do!’ gently gently sort of way, they may well have misunderstood what you mean.
I fear I’m a bit of this sort of person, given the chance 😂 I feel guilty staying in bed while others are up (blame my upbringing I guess!?) so would also get up if I could hear the host was up, and because I’m a morning person, I go straight from asleep to as I am for the rest of the day (if that makes sense) so I would be chatting etc too first thing. It’s just who I am!
Going back to bed to drink your coffee is probably a good idea, or a more direct conversation, but the risk you run with the direct conversation is that it could well come across quite rude, like you’re telling them you don’t want them around, if you’re not careful!

We set up a little hot drinks station (just a kettle, a little jar of coffee and tea bags and mugs) and they take some milk up in the evening, in our guest room. It has an ensuite for water. So encourages guests to enjoy a nice hot drink in bed....and thus delays them coming down. Could that help them stay in their room a bit longer?

My mil is like this when she stays. Either me or my husband get up early with the toddler. It is irritating but I don’t mind as she lives alone and I think she just likes capitalising on company. She’s a lovely woman so I just plaster a smile on and chat every though I would much prefer to ease into the day. If I was you and didn’t have to get up I’d nip down for a quick cuppa a bring it straight back up to bed with my book.

Use your words.

With ur friend on this one,I've been like this since a child.Always last up Christmas mornings and birthdays.

Not very productive at work before 10am either,no matter how early I go to bed.

Well if you’ve specifically asked them to stay upstairs till7am because that bit of solitude first thing is important to you and they are ignoring you, don’t invite them again.

Most people make few demands on their guests, so when they do ask for something specific it should be done with good grace.

Well, apart from the kids, we haven't had house guests in years (grandparents now all gone, sadly). But this is the ONE thing about them which I dread.

To me it just seems so obvious - that it's really rude to come downstairs long before breakfast and get under the feet and in the hair of the host who's working hard on our behalf!

I find it's very often guests who never host who do this though.

You need a teasmade machine next to your bed- so they don't you know you are up.

IF you have made it very clear that you prefer that time to yourself, then they are rude.
DH and I would sometimes stay overnight at his parents, because they lived some distance away. I did shifts back then and his mum still worked. She thought nothing of vacuuming outside our bedroom at 7am- when I'd only arrived 30mins beforehand from a night shift and was in bed. Some people have no clue. 😡