AIBU to ask for your embarrassing moments (to make myself feel better)

[DallazMajor]

AIBU To crawl in a hole and never come back out.

Somehow my nephew managed to do something to my fire stick and changed the screen saver to display photos on my TV. (off my phone)

Next thing (in front of family) lots of VERY inappropriate photos of me are being displayed.

I’ve never moved so fast in my life to turn the telly off.

Please tell me your shameful tales to make me less mortified !?

I hid a sex toy in my briefcase because it locked. I had a job interview and decided to take the briefcase jumped in the car and opened it to put papers in. Realising the toy was in there I took it out and put it in the glove box. Later in the day I gave my assistant manager a lift to a meeting.He opened the glove box and his face turned scarlet, he shut it without saying anything.

Yes. I’m glad these things don’t just happen to me !

I once mispronounced bruschetta while on holiday.

I cut my head open on a first aid box. Twice.

I wrote a disgusting text message to my new male friend concerning how i couldn't wait to do x y z to him later. And what i wanted done to me ....

And sent it to my prudish, cats bum faced emotionally stunted mother who didn't know i had feelings a new man at all !!

Ah jeez so so many,

split my trousers whilst raising my leg at work to stand on something, huge ripping sound, spilt right up the arse. All the way.

walked onto a office glass door as I didn’t see it, in front of all the people in the room.proper banged my nose and head too.

bent over to get something out the boot of my car, and my long circular midi skirt blew up and exposed by thong clad arse to a bunch of work men, who promptly gave me a round of applause.

dressed as cleopatra to a fancy dress party and my sheet fell down and my left boob popped out,

got very drunk at a night out, vomited on the bed, my husband had to strip it and go and apologise the next morning at reception. I was still vomiting.

started my period and soaked through my jeans above my pad, the blokes with us thought I’d shit myself.

the list is endless. It really is.😂

My then boyfriend’s (now DH) best friend found my vibrator helping us look for something! Also we were showing my father in law holiday pics on tv and one of me posing in my underwear came up! Once tripped over in the work car park and came in covered in blood and had to have it cleaned up. Fell off a chair at work (it was broken and should have been in the skip). There has to be loads more I haven’t thought of. I’m clumsy 😂

Name changed as I have told so many people IRL.Many moons ago , I worked in a supermarket and was filling up the tomato display. A customer asked me to show her where an item was. I started to say "One moment while I throw out these tomatoes." For some reason my brain decided half way through the sentence that 'chuck' would be preferable to 'throw'. Needless to say I shouted out " One moment while I fuck these tomatoes " My colleague cracked up, while all I could do was to tell the horrified customer to follow me so I could take her to the item she required.

Working in a healthcare setting, I thought I caught a glimpse of my friend in the appointment queue She had just reached the front and I jokingly crept up behind her, put my arm around her shoulder and said to the receptionist “ don’t make an appointment for her, she’s a really difficult patient “. The whole queue stared and to my horror when she turned around I realised it wasn’t my friend, someone else with the same coat.
Cue to apologise, admit mistaken identity and slink away, mortified.

Thought it would be easier to change into a long length easy wear skirt after swimming. - walked all the way home with the back tucked into the waistband and no coat covering my bare arse.
Left a craft workshop evening and had a dodgy stomach all day. Had forced myself not to fart all evening - just in case. (Oat milk allergy I’ve just discovered). Was walking along the street and with relief let the ripper of a fart go - only to realise the rest of my classmates were walking behind me.
Greeted a builder at the door in pyjamas, he smiled I looked down to discover a boob had unleashed itself through the arm hole of my top.
Trying to apprehend one of my dogs who had made a break for it, I realised I didn’t have a leash in my hand. Main road with heavy traffic had no choice but to whip my bra off and use as a make shift leash - bra is massive and large of Nork.
Used a swear word in group therapy… everyone else had used multiple profanities, so I didn’t think anything of it. Cue lots of shocked faces looking at me. I said “what?” Apparently they all thought I was the ‘posh one’ with the cultures voice…..
Got myself locked inside a care home secure wing, no phone signal, had to wait until a resident went and got a member of staff to unlock the door. I worked there.
So many more.

Tired at work, rested my chin on my hand, closed my eyes momentarily... must have fell asleep, head slipped off hand, hit the desk with a thud; everyone around heard and saw it, those who didnt see the thud - could see the big red bump on my forehead that stayed for hours after 😳

Turned up a day late for a job interview. Blocked a friends toilet and had to ask for a coat hanger to push said blockage out of the way. Texted a friend bitching about another friend but then sent it to the friend I was slagging off by mistake