Is it time to end contact with my in-laws?

[Whydomyinlawssuck]

I need some perspective please ladies.

My in-laws have never been particularly warm to my husband and I, they are very hard work. Over the years I have bitten my tongue when they treat my DH badly. However, he and I drop everything to help them when they need us, for instance if they need cat sitting, or lifts to appointments, picking up from airport etc.

This leads me to my AIBU. Back in Feb my young daughter was rushed into hospital, we ended up staying in with her for a week. Thankfully she has recovered now.

Family and friends rallied round us to offer support at the time.

DH's parents on the other hand said nothing, did nothing. Not even a reponse when we informed everyone what was happening.

I am still seething about it and think it's unforgivable. Not even caring about their own granddaughter being in hospital has made me want to break contact with them for good, it was the final straw for me.

We haven't heard from them and it's been nearly 2 months!! Not even a text to ask after her.

I have seen my MIL has been updating her Facebook and active on WhatsApp, so it's not like they've been ill or have had an accident for example.

DH is as furious as I am, am I reasonable to cut contact with them for good over this?

Well firstly - looks like they have got in there first to cut you out.
And secondly… I can’t understand why you have had anything to do with them for ages given how you describe them.

It's not unheard of that we can often go a few months without hearing from them. But to not even enquire about their granddaughter is what has floored me.

I have always wanted to the bigger person when they needed us and have bent over backwards to try to be closer with them over the years, but to no avail.

Quit jumping to their every whim for a start.

And if you don’t want to engage with them, don’t. If they go months without contact… then it shouldn’t impede too much on either of your lives!

If you don't feel you can teach out don't.
DH can make his own decisions.

If they ask you for help with something and you don't want to help them be available.

Again DH can make his own decisions.

No need for a big fall out. Some relatives just don't communicate, which is fine.

Match their energy.

I hope your DD is now ok.

You're not being "the bigger person" by running to help people who treat you with complete indifference though, you're being a mug.

Just leave them to it, they are clearly not bothered, they won't even notice if you cut contact.

I wouldn’t forgive that. If it isn’t unusual to not hear from them for a few months I’m wondering if, when they do get in touch, it’s because they want something or know they will want something in the near future. Regardless they don’t care much about any of you. I think if you wait for them to contact you and then say no to any requests they have you will have so little contact with them you won’t need to make the decision

It's up to your husband to decide if he wants to remove his parents from his life, not you.

But, most importantly, stop giving them lifts to the airport if you don't like them.

That would be it for me. I’d let my husband decide on his level of contact with them, but for me, the relationship would be over.

I think you're all right. I've been a mug. For whatever reason they just don't give a shit. DH is so upset about it that I doubt he will ever forgive their behaviour.

I kept giving them the benefit of the doubt, but I think I'm done now.

They seem strange. Not asking after their own granddaughter then or now isn't the behaviour of caring grandparents.

Rhetorical question - what else would they need to do, for you to cut them off? (!)

I hope your DC has recovered/ is recovering. Some people are just weird and literally do not care, not even a flicker. I'm sorry it's come to this @Whydomyinlawssuck but I can understand how you feel and it sounds like you've tried hard enough, even though it was your PIL's actual job to welcome you in to the family. As has been said, far from YOU choosing to cut THEM off, seems like they effectively already made that decision for you some time ago. My mum is completely uninterested in any aspect of mine or my son's lives either and I ran out of fucks to give about it from enduring hours of her recounting my SIL's feeeeeeelings about everything, knowing full well DB and DSIL would never have experienced the same from her because she simply does not know anything about us. We live a mile apart. What can you do? 🤷🏻‍♀️

She's been buttering me up these last few days, but that's definitely not because it's her birthday next week. Not at all... Somebody earlier^ asked if their sporadic contact with you was coincident with them wanting a favour, I suspect there might be a pattern to the behavior for you as well.

Thank you for all your comments. It's nice to know that I'm not being unreasonable. I think you've all validated my thoughts.

@Bluddyellfire sorry to hear you're going through something similar, it's incredibly hurtful.

I assume that they'll get in touch when they need your help again.

They sound awful and I certainly wouldn't be bothering to do them favours like cat sitting, or lifts to appointments or picking up from airport any more.