Worried for our future as an only child

[Yuiiii]

My son is 4 and although his dad is in his life he lives far away following a rather traumatic break up when ds was 1.

He does see his dad regularly and I do my best to keep that a positive thing for ds. As a single parent approaching 40 there’s pretty much zero chance now of Ds having a sibling. I am struggling with this a lot lately. Not for me (though I would have loved another!), but I worry for DS. His dad is highly unlikely to have more children and his dad has no family other than one brother who lives abroad and has nothing to do with ds.

My family adore ds and he does have one cousin a similar age who he sees a couple of times a month as me and my sister are reasonably close. He has my parents too who see him a lot. But obviously as he grows up it will be just him. I worry for him. I genuinely can’t sleep at the moment as I wonder who he will turn to in a crisis when he’s 50. I hope he has a partner but he may not.

I don’t know what I’m asking really. I know friends are hugely important but let’s be totally honest, it is slightly different to family. I did consider adopting but I think that’s a huge risk and I’m not even sure I would be considered as a single person.

Any advice or perspective would be appreciated!!

Best thing for you to do is ensure your DS has social skills to make friends. Doesn’t need a huge group but has the skills to ensure he has some close mates when older.

I have a DB, he has not been any support for me. Nowhere to be seen when it comes to looking after elderly parents. Friends and DH have been my support network

I think this is where friends are really important, my children (as of yet) have no actual blood cousins but have a whole tribe of kids they call cousins who are my friends children, and we are the friends who always called each other cousins growing up. I know it’s not easy to build those friendships but they are so lovely to have, I’m far closer to those friends than my actual blood cousins.

My DS is an only. I used to worry about it, for similar reasons to you

I've made my peace with it as he grows older. Partly because he has good relationships with cousins. Partly because in this financial climate he'll be better off inheriting all my estate. Partly because I've seen that having siblings only offers an opportunity of goid relationship, no guarantee. Partly because there are so many more only children around now

I have 3 siblings and I am nc with all of them. I certainly wouldn't turn to them for support in a crisis even if we had stayed in touch. I have always been able to be resilient and deal with any crisis situations on my own and it doesn't occur to me to depend on anyone else. So I think the best thing you can do for your child is to teach them to be resilient and socially independent so that they can weather any situation that life throws at them.

But that's not how it works. Their siblings might not want to play with them. They might bicker and fight. Or have nothing in common.

Only children are usually very good at solo imaginative play.

@BillieWiper i suppose so. It made me so sad the other day when they were role playing with one of their teddy bears and teaching the teddy bear to paint. Felt awful there wasn’t a sibling!

DH's younger sibling was (and still is) an arsehole. His mother tried everything to force them to get along, but to no avail. He tells me he wishes he had been an only child like me!!

My mother is one of 5. She doesn't speak or see any of them regularly. Just because you have siblings doesn't mean you'll be close. She does however have a HUGE circle of friends.
I'm an only child and it hasn't ever bothered me.

It's actually a really good thing for children to be able to occupy themselves and play alone rather than to always rely on someone else being around.

I'm an only child, my DD is an only child and her DF is an only child! DD is 31 and has grown up to be independent and resourceful. She has a long term partner, a best friend who she's known since they were 9 plus a small circle of close friends and they all support each other with life's trials and tribulations. She's not lonely and has never felt disappointed or that she's missed out by not having siblings. When her DF and I are no longer around I know she'll be fine because she'll have people around her who she's chosen and who have chosen her. It's highly likely your DS will be in a similar position.

Stop worrying unnecessarily OP!

I think just making sure he is as financially, emotionally and socially literate and resilient as possible generally, which are good whether or not someone has close family members.

Teach him how to cook, and solve problems. Encourage him to participate in sports if you can, something that can be carried on into adulthood. This keeps people both fit and connected.

I am a Christian and take part in a lot of social activities through my church, which also provides me with a different type of "family", but whether you have a different faith or none, local churches, mosques or other faith centres often have activities open to everyone and provide community, mentorship and support to young people, as well as stepping in to help people who are on their own and facing difficulty, for example bringing food to someone who is sick, helping someone move house or transport to an appointment etc.

There are benefits to being an only child too, no siblings for a start.

Don't say that! Who says he wants to teach a human being who's tiny how to paint? He's doing imaginative play and that should make you happy, not sad.

Please stop thinking this way and focus on making the child you have the happiest he can be. That doesn't need to involve the addition of a sibling and to assume that is naive in my view.

There’s no guarantee siblings will get along and stay in contact.
My dad had 2 brothers, they lost contact as didn’t get on.
I have 3 cousins I’ve not seen at all for 50 years. My friends are important to me.