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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be upset after MIL criticised my house?

7 replies

Unbelievable2025 · 11/04/2026 18:13

I feel so hurt by this that I just need to vent. I have a 6 yr old autistic child who has had a tough few weeks sickness wise. This has led to massive meltdowns and poor sleeping that I was already just about managing with my DH. There is a behaviour specialist coming out on Monday as my child has started to pull out her hair to the point of being almost bald on her scalp. This has been very upsetting. Anyway I mentioned to my MIL about the visit and she was just so awful about it. Told me I needed to clean the toy room and that they will be watching everything. I said no they are there to support me not look at the cleanliness of the house. At that point she said she managed to keep a clean house with four children and I said you had your mother living with you. That didn’t go down well and she said it’s obvious we won’t agree so let’s close the subject. My DH thinks she over stepped and would say a word but I am raging. Our lives are tough enough with full time jobs and a child with special needs. I honestly don’t want to see her again. She has OCD with cleaning but this was so mean when we are already struggling.

OP posts:
HazelMember · 11/04/2026 18:18

She didn't criticise your house. She criticised her son's house too.

Let DH deal with it. Is he raging as well?

Wtafdidido · 11/04/2026 18:18

She should have Sen how tough things have been for you and offered to help out by cleaning it for you as she knew you had an upcoming visit. That’s what a caring mil would have done not just criticised and left. I would be avoiding her for the time being and not having her over. She may be your mil but people who do nothing to enrich or enhance your life or who offer no support have no place in your life.

AyeDeadOn · 11/04/2026 18:26

She needs to mind her own business or offer some useful, practical support. Wtf does she think is gonna happen if the behavioural specialist realises just how difficult things are for you all at the minute? Take your child into care? As fucking if! People in your position struggle to get a few hours respite let alone full time care service! Anyone would struggle in your situation and she, with her 4 (presumably not high needs) children and live in mother to help, cannot imagine what life is like for you. If she is so concerned why doesnt she pick up a hoover? Or offer to look after your kids for a few hours so you can get some rest and a bit of tidying done if you have the energy? Im angry on your behalf!

Dazedandconfused28 · 11/04/2026 21:24

OP - I have a very similar thread from. few weeks ago, I'm not sure how to link to it.

This sort of criticism is horribly hurtful at a time when you need love, not judgement.

If you are braver than me, then don't be shy about showing your upset - just a simple

'I'm sure you are not trying to hurt me, but I am dealing with a huge amount at the moment & I really need the love of my family, rather than criticism & judgement'.

I'm sorry you are dealing with so much, unless people are walking in your shoes, they simply can't understand. Sending you love

MrsDutchie88 · 11/04/2026 21:27

Dazedandconfused28 · 11/04/2026 21:24

OP - I have a very similar thread from. few weeks ago, I'm not sure how to link to it.

This sort of criticism is horribly hurtful at a time when you need love, not judgement.

If you are braver than me, then don't be shy about showing your upset - just a simple

'I'm sure you are not trying to hurt me, but I am dealing with a huge amount at the moment & I really need the love of my family, rather than criticism & judgement'.

I'm sorry you are dealing with so much, unless people are walking in your shoes, they simply can't understand. Sending you love

This is really nice and wise message. I will definitely use it on future

LassiKopiano24 · 11/04/2026 21:28

I just think people don’t realise what life is like living with an SEN child, they just don’t get it. I know its upsetting but it will blow over, I’m learning to just try and ignore the comments (easier said than done)

My youngest is autistic and they used to twirl and pull their hair so much they were practically bald it really is distressing I can really empathise x

HoppityBun · 11/04/2026 21:31

The OCD might explain a lot, but she should jolly well put that to practical help to support you.

Im always surprised by the way some people seem to think it’s perfectly fine to voice direct criticism or personal comments. I think plenty of them, and sometimes vent with friends and say what I think, but I don’t do say it directly to the person. I have many faults but I don’t do that.

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