AIBU to decline a wedding invitation from estranged extended family?

[NoraLuka]

I received a wedding invitation a while ago and the RSVP date is coming up so need to reply.

I want to say no because it says “Mrs John Smith and Mrs Bob Jones have the pleasure of inviting you to…” These are the B&G’s mothers, their first names are not John and Bob.

Also, it seems like a very posh do and I’m afraid me and DP might stand out and not in a good way. This isn’t any kind of reverse snobbery, just being objective.

Also (this might be the most relevant part) I haven’t really seen any of my extended family for 20ish years, since they disapproved of ExH for racist/cultural/religious reasons. I’ve built up my life without them and although I’m sorry for how things are I didn’t really have a choice back then.

So my AIBU is:

YABU: go to the wedding, build bridges, etc. Cousin getting married was a young child and had no influence on her parents, aunts and uncles reaction to ExH.

YANBU: stay home, you’re doing ok as you are. No need for any bridge building.

I would go if you are interested in reconnecting with your cousin but else wouldn’t bother. The rest of the family sound horrid. I wouldn’t get over the racism and their treatment of you and your ex. I also don’t like the casual misogyny but if everything else about them was great I’d overlook it. They sound quite pompous generally though. Are you only getting an invite now as you’ve divorced your Muslim husband?

As @toomuchfaff has said, it's a wedding not a bridge building exercise.
Feelings may be ramped up anyway due to the occasion, and if meeting up with the family backfires for whatever reason, it may have a negative impact on the wedding celebration. Aside from not wanting that for yourself, would you want that for the couple being married?
Could you meet up with family before the date to see whether you can tolerate being together?
Otherwise the suggestion of a nice card wishing them well rather than a standard 'decline invite' may be better?

The names thing makes sense if there's lots of family with the same name, but if they're divorced it seems odd to me. Wouldn't let that bother me though, there's lots of old fashioned tradition at weddings, in all cultures, like UK brides nearly all having white (ish) dresses.
The racism is the only thing that would bother me, but most of my family (and we have had many long discussions!) agree with the idea of allowing people to progress and change. Someone who was racist a long time ago can change and become a decent person.