I’m seeing a man, been in a relationship with him for a couple of months and I thought he was green flags all the way… until he told me about his exes
first ex was his first love, teenager to early 20s (4 yrs). He said they split as she wasn’t able to have kids but fell pregnant and had an abortion that she couldn’t live with. Somewhere along the line she suggested a threesome to repair the relationship but then couldn’t handle him “having too much of a good time with the other woman”. Something about this just feels off.
second ex he was with for 9 years, owns a house with. They never had kids due to her career taking priority. He said they were “if it happens it happens” but he “put a stop to it” when he discovered a web of lies she’d been telling. Those lies were about her wracking up debt, but yet everything they bought was in his name as she had poor credit, so presumably he knew about he debt??? They split 6 months after the lies, with him saying he stopped loving her for those 6 months but “stayed to help her” as she was in a lot of debt.
she wants him to sell the house or buy her out, as she had to move back in with her family. I asked why she left not him and he said “it’s my house”. She had parents she could live with; whereas he wouldn’t live with his dad as his dads a hoarder and they don’t get on well enough.
hes now saying he’s going to just basically ignore it all for another year while he figures it out, because he can’t remortgage (fixed contract at work makes it difficult) and doesn’t want to sell due to the price of rent and him having to downsize. That makes sense but it irked me, as she’s suggested she’ll get solicitors involved and he mocks her to me, saying she’s stupid and will waste her own equity and solicitors won’t do anything etc… he complains she’s called him selfish and delusional… he says she’s crazy, a nightmare of lies and he wish he’d never been with her… he said she called him a narcissist but he thinks she’s the one with narcissistic traits
he volunteered all of his within the first couple of weeks when all I asked was how long he’d beeen single…
Turns out they broke up in May 2025, though seemingly friendly until Oct 2025 when all of a sudden he deleted her from social media (he told me he did this). He was seeing a woman short term for a month in Nov 2025, single and lonely Dec 2025 and met me New Year’s Eve…
i assumed he’d been single a while not 7 months…
he then said he’d talked badly about his exes because that’s what you do with a new woman because she won’t want to hear nice things about exes??? I said that was childish… he’s 36 for gods sake…
also doesn’t add up that they hadn’t had sex in 9 months but were trying for a baby and he stopped trying when he found out about the debt (6 months before they split)…
not much adds up with him and things change, but if I ask him he says I remember things differently!!
also seems very quick to move on?
AIBU - seems legit
YNBU - red flag