Feel sad at lack of family

[TwistedRoses]

Does anyone else not have a close relationship with family and feel sad about it? I feel so sad that I don’t have this, I wish I was part of a big warm loving family, mums and daughters are suppose to be close. Then sisters that I get on with (mine is awful so we are NC) I'm a single parent as well so that doesn’t help not having a partner or a bonus family I could become part of. AIBU to feel sad about not having a close family? Does anyone relate?

My mum & most of my extended family members died in my 20s and I have no siblings so it's just me and my dad. DH has a fairly large family but they live halfway across the world so we're close but don't see them more than once a year. I do feel sad about it but try to focus on my kids and DH and cultivating close friendships that nourish me. It's an unfortunate situation, but I'm learning to accept it.

Yes it hurts so much, I have no sisters only brothers that don’t seem to want anything to do with me (I’m the family scapegoat).

I can’t change it so I focus on my in laws and friends. I also take a bit of relief that I don’t have to entertain my toxic family dynamics either.

No in-laws sometimes wish I had married into a nice welcoming big family but wasnt to be!

It isn't easy OP.

I have siblings, but parents aren't with us any more, my ex is very much as ex and his family were horrible so NC, and my ds is an only.

I make the best I can, ensure my ds spends time with my brother despite the 53 year age gap 😀and meets up with his cousins whenever possible.

Plus we have an adopted "nan" and some close friends.

My siblings are extremely difficult so we're low/no contact and it upsets me hugely. No DP either so can be pretty lonely. DC are wonderful though 😃
It's hard.

Yeah it’s more the lack of adult family members I feel im lacking 😔 especially mother / daughter relationship

I’m estranged from my abusive brother and quite low contact with my enabling parents. They still spend a lot of time with him and his family, and every story I hear from them is laced with toxic dynamics. I’m often torn between sadness at the lack of closeness and community, and relief and gratitude that I’ve protected my children from the impact. I guess I’d love a different family.

Also feel bad for my children having no aunties / uncles / grandparents

I am in the same boat. I have a small family - I only know my maternal side, and other than my mum, I am NC with the lot of them due to their appalling behaviour over a death in the family a few years ago. (No, it's not something sort-out-able, they were awful before the death, and I'm much happier without them in my life). I don't know my paternal side at all, again due to other family decisions/toxicity I wasn't involved in.

I do feel sad about it sometimes, especially when I hear stories of others seeing their own families. I agree with a previous poster saying that they wish they had a different family, as I feel the same way. But it wasn't meant to be I suppose.

I have concentrated on making a network of lovely friends who I consider my chosen family. We spend Christmas and Easter together and go on holiday together. I love them.

I felt sad today when I was in the card shop and realised I don't have to buy any grandparents or parent cards anymore because they have all died,y parents last year. I do have a mother-in-law and she's nice but we're not at all close and don't see each other often and DHs dad died a long time ago. It was a very strange and upsetting feeling suddenly realising that.

It's taken me a while to come to terms with this. My Mum's two sisters barely talk to me, even at my wedding i had more words from my 8 year old cousin than either of my Aunt's put together, one of them being the mother of the 8 year old. They both have my phone number and if they are unsure they are both in contact enough with my Mum to ask for it, if they wanted it. My husband mentioned my recent diagnosis at the wedding and cannot understand in the 3 years since why neither of my Aunts or my Grandmother have contacted me to inquire about my health. Neither of then spoke to at all at my grandmothers birthday party. When he talks to his family they all ask how i am. I am only close to one of my eight cousins, the eldest on my Dads side and that was cos we both put in the effort after I expressed a desire for a closer relationship at my Dad's funeral. I have plenty of relatives who all expect to be invited to family events (i.e. my wedding, grandmothers birthday) but outside of that I might as well not exist in their world.

I have no family im an orphan, it bother me as i cant miss what i never had.

Every now and then I feel this way - single parent, awful ex and low contact sister, both parents passed away. But then I realise how lucky I am to choose my friends and I don’t have complex family dynamics to deal with and tell myself not to worry about what I don’t have and focus on what I do have

You can have both though if you do have family, I’ve found making friends quite tricky and dont have many

Spot on.

And yet making friends is something you can do something about.

Is it worth asking yourself why you find both familial relationships and friendships difficult?

I understand. It’s hard.

Wow no need for that

I would appreciate if no one comments on this and this thread was left to die out now please thanks.

Yep. I have one sibling who lives out of the area, and a severely disabled adult dc who also lives away in a care home. I'm single, no other dc.

It's really hard and I often feel down about it.

Apologies, only just seen this. I'm sorry.

It’s not intended unkindly, OP. Just that you’re the common denominator in all this, and it might be worth reflecting on. Many people with complex or estranged family relationships have friends as “chosen family’.

Please stop commenting, I came on here feeling low dont need a kicking if I was bothered about lack of friends my post would have stated that. Anyway please can no one comments further on this. Have a nice day.

@SomeTameGazelles Horrible comment.
I grew up in a difficult family environment, pretty neglected as a child, emotional needs unmet. Not surprisingly I have low self esteem as an adult. I'm also ND and find social cues and small talk enormously difficult.
I've blamed myself for decades for my poor familial relationships and friendships. I'm now coming to realise that there are dynamics beyond my control and I'm not to blame for everything or for my siblings' behaviour.
It's possible other PPs have had experiences similar to my own.