DH and I have a lot of problems at the moment and I honestly don't know how long we're going to last but a recent debate has really irked me and I just can't tell anymore if I'm overreacting due to everything else that is happening or if this is really out of order.
I've tried to make it as neutral as possible and call us partner A and partner B for less biassed opinions, but I'm pretty sure you'll have guessed which partner I am by the end.
We both work full time and have one son who is 10. His school is a 10 min walk/2 min drive from the house.
Partner A works in a nearby town. The journey there takes 15 min by car or 50 min - 1 hour on public transport: bus + train, both with frequent service. They do not have set hours but are expected to be at the office until the job is done. Being seen to be present is also important in their office/role. Their job is still relatively new so they aren't yet eligible for remote working.
Partner B works in the town we live in. The journey there takes 15 min by car or bike or 30 min on public transport: direct bus but only 2 busses/hour. They have a set number of hours presence in the week and can be flexible about when they do them (working through lunch to leave earlier, etc[ with no obligation to be seen to be present. They are allowed to work from home up to 2 days/week but choose not to.
We have one car. When partner A started the new job, both agreed that it would make more sense for partner A to take the car which would enable them to drop DS off at school in the morning before work and pick them up from afterschool club in the evening while still putting in a reasonable presence at the office. Partner B prefers to go to work on their bike anyway. As they can finish earlier, sometimes they would pick up DS earlier on the way home, sometimes they would leave DS until A picked them up and use the alone time at home to get stuff done or for some downtime. This situation lasted for approximately 10 days.
Sometimes, Partner B would want to take the car so that they could go swimming on their lunchbreak. On these days, partner A took public transport.
Then, Partner B started having problems with their knee and was unable to cycle to work. They now use the car to drive to work every day and partner A takes public transport every day.
Partner A drops DS off at school but due to transport times cannot also pick him up so Partner B picks him up in the car on the way home.
Partner B now feels that Partner A gets home too late in the evening and should make more of an effort to be home earlier as they are doing all of the homework supervision and meal prep (partner A does prepare at least one meal per week that can be prepped in advance and reheated but partner B has to do the rest[.
Partner A doesn't see how they can shorten their day given the time they spend in public transport.
This resentment has been festering for over a month now.
Last weekend, partner B's parents offered to gift us MIL's runaround car as she can no longer drive it.
Partner A thinks that we should accept the car and insure it on a per mile basis to keep costs down and thinks that the expenditure is a reasonable amount for more flexibility in travel time.
Partner B thinks that owning and insuring 2 cars is an extravagance and doesn't see the problem in only having one car and using public transport as it is only until their knee gets better and they can start biking to work again.
Partner A has said that if that is the case, maybe they should share the car and partner B can take the bus from time to time or work from home as they are allowed to. Partner B does not want to work from home as it impacts their mental health and does not like taking public transport, especially when the service is so patchy.
To be clear, both partners agree that we can afford the insurance and extra petrol.
Who is being unreasonable?