AIBU to wonder if this is depression or just me being miserable?

[Miserablestrawberry]

I’m a SAHM to two DC under 4. DH works incredibly long hours and we probably see each other for 3 hours mon-fri in total.
Neither DC is in any form of childcare yet. We do lots of things together - we’re out and about 3/5 days in the week and probably spend two days in the house.

Recently I just feel like everything is so much effort and nothing brings me much joy. I absolutely love my DC and love being a SAHM to them - I don’t feel like this is the issue. I just feel like such a miserable person who just can’t find enthusiasm for much anymore! I can’t really be bothered to do much day to day (but do drag myself out for the DC), and everything feels like such a chore.

We have no money worries so it’s not like I have that stress. We have no family local so I have zero help with the children, but I’ve never felt like this is much of an issue - it’s just how it is. DH and I don’t have a fantastic relationship (nothing abusive and he’s a great man, we have just grown apart since the DC). Splitting is not an option.

Is this depression?! Or am I just a miserable cow?

I wonder if you might be too busy and tired to be able to properly tune into yourself and figure out what you need. Caring for young kids mostly solo is epic and the flagging marriage is a big enough thing in itself to make anyone feel low. You might be on auto-pilot a bit and could benefit from taking the time and space to talk things through with a trusted loved one or counsellor.

Two children of that age are hard work, and it doesn’t sound like you have much adult company. Not working can make it worse.

Can you try to join some sort of Parent - Toddler group so you can talk to some adults?

I would just think you lack adult stimulation.

Sounds like you are in survival mode.

Two young children without a break is really hard OP. Do you get any time to yourself at all during the week? What about at weekends - does DH take them out for a few hours so you can have some 'me time'?

Could the older child start going to childcare so you get some time off while the little one is having a nap? Or maybe find a gym with a crèche.

I don't think this is depression- I think most people would feel this way in your situation.

No I don’t. And no he doesn’t. I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve done something child-free since the first child was born (excluding hairdresser appts).
One will be starting pre-school in September, so things may get easier then!

It definitely isn't you 'being miserable' nor is it necessarily diagnosable depression - potentially you are just feeling worn out and a bit ground down?

It would be good to find some time for yourself and do something you enjoy doing in that time - even if only an hour a week at first.

Can you talk to your DH about a regular weeknight for yourself?

Sounds like depression to me tbh.

You have options. You could speak to your GP and trial some medication, and/or self-refer into your local Talking Therapies service for psychotherapy for depression. Often if you have a child under a certain age they will expedite you to the top of the waiting list. You might as well go for an assessment and see what the recommended treatment is. But I do think a proper assessment would be helpful at least to put your mind at rest that you're not just being miserable/ungrateful, you may actually have developed some depression symptoms which isn't your fault.