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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to feel undervalued after my boyfriend paid family more?

5 replies

Penguinbiscuitfortea · 08/04/2026 20:09

I've fallen on hard-ish times at the moment and am living hand to mouth on my variable self-employed income. I have been with my bf for almost a year and he has suggested that I help him with some ad hoc physical labour jobs that he picks up as part of his work. He hasn't given a set rate of pay but it'll roughly be 25ph. I have accepted that this is nothing like what he earns for the same work and I don't expect it to be - after all he has all the overheads / responsibility / sourcing etc. I am however already on the defensive because it feels a bit like he's doing me a favour, probably because of the power play over anything money related used by my father when he was alive, which I stepped back from all those years ago but still hold resentment for.

A job has come up that neither me nor him can do because of other commitments, so he's asked two of his family members to complete it. For this they are able to take the full value of the work which I estimate to be c.70ph. They will not incur any overheads or take any of the responsibility from him. Essentially they are standing in as the equivalent of 2 of me and their terms will be the same as those I work to with him.
Aibu to be pissed off about this? I've decided it's probably best not to do any work for or with him in future as mixing work with a relationship can only lead to fall outs if this is how it's going. But does it indicate how he really values me or am I reading too much into it?

OP posts:
tnorfotkcab · 08/04/2026 20:10

Well it's a bit of a different situation isn't it?

SimonWigglesBaratoneVoice · 08/04/2026 20:13

It sounds like you have some issues surrounding men and finances so it probably is best to keep them separate.

I don't think you have a right to be pissed off over this though, it sound like you would be doing regular work for him and he was struggling getting someone to do this job. Companies always pay freelancers coming in to do them a favour more than they pay those who work for them regularly.

BudgetBuster · 08/04/2026 20:17

YABU.
I see it similar to how a Company might need to hire Agency staff or a Temp at a much higher cost in order to not lose a project. In this scenario, the family member is the overpriced Agency staff.

Whereas you are the equivalent of a regular employee.

Hatty65 · 08/04/2026 20:26

You've been with him less than a year and he's offered a solution to help you earn a bit extra.

And you still think it's not enough? I think you sound a bit precious to be honest. He doesn't owe you financial support,

User56785 · 08/04/2026 20:28

But it seems like he’s doing you a favour because he is doing you a favour. He’s getting you some work when you need it.

Now he needs some people because he’s in a jam so he’s paying them what they want to be paid because he needs them.

Also, all of your figures are guesses.

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