to wish things were different?

[saywhat]

Its my eldests very first day at nursery today, she starts properly in august but today is her induction. She is 3 years 2 months. I would be looking forward to it, except my husband refused to look after our DD2 for the whole hour i have to be there with DD1.

It really upsets me that whenever something important is happening with DD1, i can never ever focus on just her, because i have to take DD2 with me too. Perfect example, DD1 had her appointment with GP yesterday for tiptoe walking...and i had to take DD2, whom is a terrible 2 year old and created the whole time we were there, so i could hardly hear myself think.

Sometimes i catch myself wishing i hadnt had them close together (14 months appart) and left great big age gaps so all these milestones i wouldnt feel i am missing out on from being distracted with the sibling. I was ranting to hubby and he just doesnt understand.

is it paid jammi? i thought it wasnt, i am sure the last paternity leave he had it wasnt paid. If it is, he will definately take it off, he is a great dad to his children and if he had his way he would be home with them all the time if he could.

You are right in that he needs to pick his times off, emergencies only, which is why i dont think he is being unreasonable and i know how frustrated he feels that he cant help out that bit more, its why a bit of childminding might be good, as not only would it make things a little easier for me, it would stop him feeling bad he cant help more too.

oh hang on he was self employed then, whereas he is PAYE now, thats probably why.

" i thought maybe one morning it could be DD1, the other DD2, so i am getting some one to one time with them both before baby 3 arrives"

erm - time for you???? Please don't use up precious baby sitting time regularly (might be nice for a one-off treat or outing) by alternating the childcare.

YOu'll be a lot more fun to be around (especially pregnant) if you have a bit of breathing space (or even just able to cook the dinner/do the ironing ALONE) so that you can play with the kids when they get back.

I don't think kids find it that much fun to be without their sibling - I fought nonstop with my brother but hated it when he wasn't there.

I agree with haventslept. Time for you to have a break is more important. One to one time is more important once they get a bit older IME. Your priority at this age should be getting physical and psychological rest for yourself.

hmm yes i have been wondering about that, i think DD2 will be a bit of a lost puppy when DD1 goes to preschool fulltime! Perhaps then it would be best they go together a morning a week, as things are going to be quite different for them both come August. If i gave a childminder enough notice though, do you think she would be okay about having to mind them for the odd special thing, or emergency (migraine?) i dont know as i have never used one before, or any other sort of childcare actually.

Our childminder is VERY flexible and will have them anytime.

She minded DS1 when I gave birth to DS2.

Not everyone is so lucky - it's worth discussing it before committing.

Gotta go to lunch ! bye

I don't think you would be able to get a childminder ad hoc. It would have to be a student. A child minder would have to be a regular arrangement.

Would you have room for an au pair?

We didn't, as we were in a very small house when the boys were small, but if we had room I would have considered it.

thanks for the help haventslept and everyone else, i think i will try to track a flexible one down, fingers crossed!

no we dont have room sadly, we have a three bed, but the third room is a teeny boxroom just big enough for a cot and chest of drawers really.