Sad, lost and angry

[FeelingSad4]

I've name changed as really looking for an open, frank discussion and for someone to give my head a wobble!

I am mid 30s, single, with a child, I keep myself to myself, dislike drama etc. Left an abusive relationship, but still dealing with abuse as we share a child. Have a professional career, but have experienced issues with one manager who was a bit of a bully.

I have been to therapy, started setting boundaries, and standing up for myself.... but people are really hating me for it. I know it would take work and to feel comfortable, but I feel so unlikeable and 'difficult' if that is the right word!

I have startes saying no, or calling out people when I see injustice or something doesn't sit right, but the response I am getting is horrible, so not sure I am doing it right or is this how people are always viewed / treated?!

For example, my child has a large graze down their face due to a fall. Walking around the supermarket and another child approx. 10ish pushes into them and says 'ugh your face is ugly, you have red all over it' I just stared in shock, looked at the child and said 'excuse me, please don't be rude' and walked away, only to be approached by the Mum that i'd called her son names.

Family event and a beloved relative started making homophobic jokes despite two same sex couples being present, I asked them to stop and change the subject and got told that I don't have a sense of humour and everyone else laughs, but not me and im too up myself. Was absolutely devastated, as this is a much loved relative so a. Shocked by the initial jokes and b. Shocked at the character assassination that followed.

Am I being too sensitive? Or is this normal for when you start speaking out?

Hand on heart I might be feeling low, just feel very out on a limb and so different in my views on what is normal and acceptable in society, that I don't want to tolerate crap anymore (whilst respecting everyone has their own view), but just feel in a minority.

Sounds like u are doing the right thing but other people are horrible! Make sure u don’t raise your voice but keep speaking out. Maybe family are not used to u saying things so are snapping back as they are embarrassed?

There's a lot to be said for picking your battles. Having boundaries is good, and pointing out injustice is fine but you have to expect some push back. With your relative you could have just not laughed rather than lecturing. No likes being told off, and there are gentler ways to make a point. For instance the Mumsnet special - pretend you don't understand an offensive joke and ask them to explain it. This way you're not telling them off, but are making a point. With your son, kids can say off the wall things. Instead of calling the child rude, you could have simply told him "he hurt himself". Stating the facts plainly often takes any wind out of the sails of someone who is trying to be mean.

It's been my experience that if you've been a people pleaser, let things go or had poor boundaries in the past, people often react much more strongly than they would do with someone who's always been outspoken and refused to go along with things. It's as if people take greater offence when you stop being a pushover. May not be the case every time - clearly not with the supermarket parent and kid, but they sound rude and abrasive anyway so disregard that.

Thank you, some useful tips. I think the relative situation I could have dealt with it better for sure, just didn't expect such a strong personal reaction.

However, it has made me reflect that people have always felt the need to be open and criticise me e.g. what i am wearing, why I say something, do something like a hobby etc. I'd never say some of these things out loud or even think them, but always found people feel the need to with me, so again it is setting boundaries about what is comfortable. Part of me wants to call people out and say why are you so mean, but its how to do it without the risk of escalation or a bigger issue emerging, thank you PP some things to think about there :)