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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I overreacting?

8 replies

Anxiousss1 · 08/04/2026 18:14

Background: I do have extreme anxiety due to childhood trauma. I know I’m overprotective but that’s due to having a neglectful mum growing up,

Issue: My 10 daughter plays with 2 neighbourhood kids generally. Once in a while not all the time. The mums I only know in passing to say hi and bye to. My daughter goes off today to play with one of them and I told her to return at 5pm. She didn’t come back so I went to the garden to look for her but no one was in the garden. I texted the mum but no reply. 45 minutes later I see my daughter walking back home and same time I get a text from the mother saying she took the kids to “name’s” home behind us! This is the same mum who’s told her kids they are not allowed to eat and drink in anyone’s house without asking her first. Anytime I offer her daughter a drink of water etc. she says she has to ask her mum first she does and then accepts. I let my daughter accept food and drink without asking me first.

Am I right to be annoyed she took my daughter to someone’s home without asking me? When anyone’s kids are playing I never allow them inside my house and only let them play in garden and leave garden gate open so parents can freely check in on them.

my dd is upset with me saying she wishes she didn’t have an overprotective mum. I asked DD to next time ask me like her friend asks her mother before accepting any food or drink. DD’s response was she didn’t know whose house she was being taken to so couldn’t ask me! Please help me calm down as I’m worried my anxious brain will spiral

OP posts:
MargaretThursday · 08/04/2026 18:24

Get her a cheap phone. Tell her she needs to text any time she goes somewhere different, give her a time to be back by and she must contact if she's going to be late.

With ds it took one time of turning up at a friend's when he'd stayed out too long, and even 8 years later he's pretty good at letting me know.

I had an overprotective mum and at times it was really frustrating, feeling that I was singled out, or not allowed to join in, for doing the same as my friends.

itsmeits · 08/04/2026 18:25

You reinforce to your DD as she has to hers she doesn't go inside unless you know where she is going. Id she doesn't kmow then its a defo No.

You need to reinforce this!

I'd also be inclined to inform her that knowing where she is, is what a good mum does. She wants overprotective she won't be leaving the garden!

My DD 9 knows she doesn't go into a house as if I shout out the back door she can hear me. If she's in someone's house she cant.

I'd be a little narked with the mum - but would have text her back saying if your taking DD anywhere again check with me first.

Frankly I'd also be telling DD how disappointed I am that she didn't come home on time.

Original poster
Anxiousss1 · 08/04/2026 18:27

I’ve tried getting friendly with the mum but she always says she’s too busy to meet or come over for a coffee so I’m extra careful of not overstaying my welcome and not hovering around her garden but I feel like not letting DD go there again if the mother thinks it’s completely fine to take her someone’s house who I don’t know!

OP posts:
Catza · 08/04/2026 18:29

While there need to be clear guidances in place for the future, I don't see what it is to be anxious about right now. Your daughter is home, nothing untoward happened with her. Set the rules going forward and move on.

Original poster
Anxiousss1 · 08/04/2026 18:32

Catza · 08/04/2026 18:29

While there need to be clear guidances in place for the future, I don't see what it is to be anxious about right now. Your daughter is home, nothing untoward happened with her. Set the rules going forward and move on.

It’s the fact that the mother who expects her child to ask permission before accepting food or drink from me thinks it’s okay taking my daughter to a strangers home without checking with me first or even just sending a message “we are going to xyz’s home, hope that’s okay with you” type message. I couldn’t find DD or see her in her garden and had no idea she was sitting around in some random persons home

OP posts:
Catza · 08/04/2026 18:36

Anxiousss1 · 08/04/2026 18:32

It’s the fact that the mother who expects her child to ask permission before accepting food or drink from me thinks it’s okay taking my daughter to a strangers home without checking with me first or even just sending a message “we are going to xyz’s home, hope that’s okay with you” type message. I couldn’t find DD or see her in her garden and had no idea she was sitting around in some random persons home

Edited
Show quote history

I understand. But your daughter is home now. Literally nothing bad happened. You realise this, don't you? Why get anxious over something that hasn't happened? How is this going to help?
Is mum a bit of a dick? Maybe. Again, being aggrieved with her is not going to change anything. You are letting this get to you for no reason.
All you need to do is set some rules with your daughter and boundaries with the mother so the situation doesn't repeat.

Original poster
Anxiousss1 · 08/04/2026 18:39

Catza · 08/04/2026 18:36

I understand. But your daughter is home now. Literally nothing bad happened. You realise this, don't you? Why get anxious over something that hasn't happened? How is this going to help?
Is mum a bit of a dick? Maybe. Again, being aggrieved with her is not going to change anything. You are letting this get to you for no reason.
All you need to do is set some rules with your daughter and boundaries with the mother so the situation doesn't repeat.

Show quote history

Thank you! Yes I need to calm down but it’s so hard! I think I might be ND as I feel things too deeply. I just can’t get over it. I really know it’s not healthy

OP posts:
Bellaboo01 · 08/04/2026 18:43

Anxiousss1 · 08/04/2026 18:14

Background: I do have extreme anxiety due to childhood trauma. I know I’m overprotective but that’s due to having a neglectful mum growing up,

Issue: My 10 daughter plays with 2 neighbourhood kids generally. Once in a while not all the time. The mums I only know in passing to say hi and bye to. My daughter goes off today to play with one of them and I told her to return at 5pm. She didn’t come back so I went to the garden to look for her but no one was in the garden. I texted the mum but no reply. 45 minutes later I see my daughter walking back home and same time I get a text from the mother saying she took the kids to “name’s” home behind us! This is the same mum who’s told her kids they are not allowed to eat and drink in anyone’s house without asking her first. Anytime I offer her daughter a drink of water etc. she says she has to ask her mum first she does and then accepts. I let my daughter accept food and drink without asking me first.

Am I right to be annoyed she took my daughter to someone’s home without asking me? When anyone’s kids are playing I never allow them inside my house and only let them play in garden and leave garden gate open so parents can freely check in on them.

my dd is upset with me saying she wishes she didn’t have an overprotective mum. I asked DD to next time ask me like her friend asks her mother before accepting any food or drink. DD’s response was she didn’t know whose house she was being taken to so couldn’t ask me! Please help me calm down as I’m worried my anxious brain will spiral

It is your responsibility to make sure that your child is looked after and where they are. It sounds like that your child as just gone round and they had plans so she just went along for the ride.

I personally wouldnt let my child round ANYONES house without knowing who they were properly and not just someone that i know as you say 'in passing'!

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