AIBU to feel disappointed about my son's birthday plans today?

[Notaregularmomx]

It’s DS burthday today he’s turning 4. I’ve been struggling with my mental health over the last couple of months quite badly. I’ve been spending a lot of time at home so I was looking forward to a nice day out today with the kids it would have took a bit of a push but I was ready to do that. DH has planned to go to his parents at 1 then they will just end up spending the whole day there. I would go but the thought of being around so many people knocks me sick and the fact that I can’t just go home as we live an hour away.

It’s the only sunny day we have so I can’t even plan for another day. I’m trying not to be selfish as it isn’t all about me but im so disappointed in DH.Every birthday when it comes to the kids it’s always about his family as they’ve brought him loads of presents it’s only right we celebrate with them blardy blah.

AIBU?

You are an equal parent so it's possible for you say 'Actually no, he is our son and I would like to go out with him for the day on his birthday, we can go to your parents after if you so wish'

You can still take him out in the morning, can't you? As a child we always spent birthdays with extended family and I loved it so, I would assume, your son will enjoy spending time with grandparents as well. Unless he absolutely doesn't want to go, I'd move the visit to slightly later in the afternoon and make the most of the morning.

What has been planned and What do you think your son would prefer?

If nothing was planned eg, you never mentioned to dh that you intend to have a day out today, and If dh family have gone to a big effort and it will be a party atmosphere for him that he would love, then I don't think dh is being unreasonable.

If son wouldn't be too fussed about seeing family and the day won't be made special for him, more like just any other visit , then I would push back and suggest day out then call in on family at teatime or spend the day with them at the weekend.

I think today is whatever son would like best really.

There could be 2 issues here.
1 is your DH controlling and arranges things without discussing with you or
2 is your MH so bad that he is parenting the kids on his own and didn’t think you’d be up to doing anything for DS birthday so has arranged to see his parents?

I guess they are going for lunch. You will have to screw your courage and go.

Get up and out and do something you’d all enjoy with him this morning.

Your DH may have chosen the thing he feels would be best for your son. You know that 'with a push you'd get there', but in fairness, your H doesn't. Mental illness can be unpredictable and challenging and can cause disruption to plans. I don't blame your H for choosing to do something guaranteed to go well for your son today. I understand that's hard on you but you have this morning, and there will be plenty of other sunny days.

It doesn’t look like you and your DH communicate. Ever

The OP doesn’t say whether she discussed her plans with dh

Yes that’s a good third point.