AIBU to worry about DS getting cold sore if my friend moves in

[BumbleBeez22]

My friend is moving into a spare room in our home, she’s had a really rough time and is struggling so I was really happy to help and actually excited about having her stay with us for some time - possibly a year. My husband is away with work a lot so having her there will be lovely. But yesterday we were chatting and she casually mentioned awful cold sores she gets that sometimes spread into her nose as well as lips. Today I am spiralling and really regretting offering her a room because I have a nearly three year old little boy who is non verbal, autistic and has complex needs. He puts lots of things in his mouth and hand leads to communicate. I’m just so scared he’s going to get the virus and especially for my son, who may never be aware of hygiene or self care things, it could spread as he touches his mouth and then other parts of his body. I just know I will be paranoid about absolutely everything that is touched now and have even be thinking could he get it in the bath after she uses the shower etc. I really don’t know what to do. Am I being totally ridiculous??

Kindly, yes you’re being ridiculous. You’re doing a kind thing for your friend. Those of us who get coldsores are more than aware of how not to spread them. I have a DS who have NEVER had one despite me having them several times.

I get coldsores. You seem to think they're more contagious than they are. Just ask your friend not to kiss your son. Unless she is either kissing your son or deliberately popping the blisters and rubbing the fluid on him (presumably if you're friends with her, she isn't a psychopath), it's going to be fine.

The majority of the population have the virus and are completely asymptomatic, it's only a few unlucky people who get active symptoms. You probably have the virus. Your son may even already have it and just not show it.

I get terrible cold sores, on my nose and lips. Neither my DH nor my now adult DS caught them. He will be fine.

My DH gets very bad coldsores. But I have never got one (married 22 years), and neither have any of our 3 children. Of course, when he has one (usually if stressed or run down/ exhausted) then he wouldn't kiss the kids or touch the cold sore unless using medication on it (and then washing hands).

Your son will be fine. Please don't worry and let it spoil this lovely time you could have with your friend.

I have had cold sores all my life on my lips and side my nose and I have never spread these to DH & DC.

Normal hygiene measures when you have one (and without anyway) is to never share towels, cutlery, cups/glasses, or kiss when you have one.

Don’t want to be the downer… have you ever lived with her?
is there enough space in the house to have own bathroom and a living space?
do you have a plan if it doesn’t work out?

My DH has suffered with cold sores all his life. I have known him almost 50 years, married 45 years. Neither me, not our adult dcs or dgcs has ever had a cold sore.
As long as your friend is meticulous with hygiene and towels etc are not shared, it really shouldn't be an issue.

I have had cold sores since I was 7. We lived in a three bed flat and, at one point, there were three generations of family living there which included about 7-8 people. We shared one bathroom and one toilet between all of us. Nobody in my family had ever contracted a cold sore (and, as you can imagine, managing cross-contamination wasn't my strong skill at the age of 7).
None of my partners over the years picked it up from me. And I have been on acyclovir for the last 5 years so now it's not even a concern.

Thanks everyone for the responses and the reality check. Was really spiralling (I often get health anxiety so this just triggered it). Not going to worry over it anymore and just be mindful about the points suggested regarding utensils towels etc. feel I can let go of the worries and look forward to her moving in