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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Three relatives left

8 replies

Bloopbloopbleep · 07/04/2026 18:29

That, basically.

Except my small child, I have 3 blood relatives left alive and only one is immediate family. One parent and all siblings dead. Elderly dad and 2 elderly aunties left. We found one of my last aunties dead at home last week. Ive had to take time off work to sort her estate as im her NOK and executor (and am POA to remaining family members, so will be when they pass), and I feel embarrassed that people will judge me taking compassionate leave for 'not a close' relatives, even though we were very close.

Im thirty fucking four. I am so lucky to have my husband and daughter, but christ I feel lonely. AIBU and am I being self indulgent?

OP posts:
SomeTameGazelles · 07/04/2026 18:39

I’m sorry for your losses, OP. I don’t think you should feel at all embarrassed about taking compassionate leave from work. Quite apart from the NOK issue, families come in all shapes and sizes.

Sorry, hit post too soon. I know a couple of people who were almost alone in the world very young. One of my schoolmates was an only child of two only children, and her parents (who were older) died suddenly within weeks of one another when she was sixteen. When I was a student, one of my classmates had his parents die together by suicide when he was 19. I think they felt very alone in the world very young. Both of them have gone on to forge good adult lives for themselves.

Original poster
Bloopbloopbleep · 07/04/2026 19:20

Thank you, and the perspective helps - im an adult and I should be able to cope. Ive been independent and have lived alone since late teens but the sense of loneliness has been huge recently

Theres something about slowly losing everyone who has been testament to your formative years that makes you feel very small!

OP posts:
SomeTameGazelles · 07/04/2026 19:28

Bloopbloopbleep · 07/04/2026 19:20

Thank you, and the perspective helps - im an adult and I should be able to cope. Ive been independent and have lived alone since late teens but the sense of loneliness has been huge recently

Theres something about slowly losing everyone who has been testament to your formative years that makes you feel very small!

I can imagine. I think you should let yourself feel the difficult feelings, and acknowledge their importance, even as you engage thoroughly with all kinds of non-blood relationships.

NotAnotherScarf · 07/04/2026 19:36

No you're not. My dad was one of 10, mum one of 11. Mum died when I was 17, dad when I was 24. I'm now 57. If I didn't do all the running I would never see any of my family. I've not seen any of my dad's for 10 years.

There was a long spell when I wasn't invited to any family events for some reason. I stopped sending Christmas cards when I realised no one sent them to me, that was about 20 years go. I still make the effort with 2 aunts who were good to me as a kid...

Just to add my mum always bought presents for the kids...it was just those two aunties on her side and dad's brother who ever bought me anything.

And yes I feel lonely.

Original poster
Bloopbloopbleep · 07/04/2026 20:09

NotAnotherScarf · 07/04/2026 19:36

No you're not. My dad was one of 10, mum one of 11. Mum died when I was 17, dad when I was 24. I'm now 57. If I didn't do all the running I would never see any of my family. I've not seen any of my dad's for 10 years.

There was a long spell when I wasn't invited to any family events for some reason. I stopped sending Christmas cards when I realised no one sent them to me, that was about 20 years go. I still make the effort with 2 aunts who were good to me as a kid...

Just to add my mum always bought presents for the kids...it was just those two aunties on her side and dad's brother who ever bought me anything.

And yes I feel lonely.

Im so sorry for your losses, thats far too early to lose your parents.

OP posts:
Weeeeyy · 07/04/2026 20:21

I’ve got one uncle and two cousins left. Both my parents are dead. I’m an only child. Both of my father’s siblings are dead. Only one of them ever had children and they died from a genetic condition. I was unable to have children myself due to infertility.

So for blood relatives that’s it! Just my mums brother and his two children. And I don’t see them as they live the other side of the world!

I do have my husband at least even though people don’t class him as “family”. I think people only think the word family applies if you have children or blood relatives sadly. I often get asked if I have a family and when I say I have a husband I often get a response of “oh so no family though?”

plinkityplink · 07/04/2026 20:24

I’m always shocked that my mum lost her dad when she was early thirties, I was 60 when my mum died and now 66 and dad is still is here, although I did lose my sister last year.

it must be awful to lose so many family members when you are relatively young. Flowers

MaybeIamJustABitch · 07/04/2026 20:31

Not indulgent at all @Bloopbloopbleep, and sorry for your losses.

I am older than you, however I have only 3 direct family members remaining, my mum, my aunt and my brother. That’s it.

I guess I’ve always been aware of how small my family is. As with other posters who had much larger families, one never knows what is round the corner.

You shouldn’t feel ashamed or awkward for taking compassionate leave, especially with you being NOK. There’s no right or wrong in these situations, so absolutely take as much time as you need.

Grief is a very personal journey for each and every one of us. Take care x

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