Feel like I’m a failing parent.

[Gorgeouscombes]

It’s the holidays so I’ve booked in a range of appointments while the DCs are off school. We moved to a new area a couple of years ago I realise I missed their eye tests. They have seen the dentist but it’s taken a while to get registered with a new practice locally.

So went to the new dentist and they were pretty negative and said both DCs would def need braces and DC1 had gum issues- they’re 12 and we have been letting them brush independently. Apparently we should be supervising/ flossing her teeth still.

Now it’s been the opticians and - from being told that DD had ‘better than 20-2 vision’ a few years ago. Both DCs now have a prescription for short sightedness (DC2 needing a strong prescription apparently -1.75 and discussion about needing long term ‘myopia treatments’. Lots of downers about screen time (which is controlled in our house but both DCs are keen readers).

Together with managing ongoing chronic conditions, it just feels overwhelming that they are going to need to manage so much for the next few (teen) years. And that I have clearly slipped up and failed to manage their needs properly.

Things change. You have taken care of their needs. You have done nothing wrong.

You found a couple of problems, and are in the process of resolving them.

Sounds fine to me!

No-one needs glasses - until they do. No-one needs braces - until they do.

Now, if you had been told 2 years ago about glasses and braces and done nothing about it, then that would be an issue!

Stop beating yourself up about it. You're on it now, and that's good enough. You've got this. My kiddo didn't get braces until she was 14 because her dentist missed something. It happens. It's fine, she's getting them now. And cleaning teeth: they do need to be stepping up to do it themselves. Your dentists should be talking to them about taking responsibility for their own teeth and how to do it. Maybe you can provide electric toothbrushes (if you can afford) and plaque discloser, but really, it's on them now. Two out of three of my kids have glasses. If their vision is corrected, that is better than it was. You've been juggling a lot -- give yourself some grace. No-one is perfect; you are doing your best. Hang in there.

You’re not failing at all. You’ve taken them to the appointments. Issues spotted are getting dealt with. No one can ask for anything more.

None of these are big problems. Needing braces is out of your control, your 12 year old needs to brush better that’s all no big deal. Needing glasses usually out of your control too. -1.75 isn’t a strong prescription either!

This! My DS18 has braces and glasses - it is what it is. We waited almost four years for the braces because of the Covid backlog, but he’s almost finished with them and the teeth have straightened out well.

There are new glasses that stop myopia getting worse. Ds has them and they are amazing by! Expensive but worth it.

It seems overwhelming because they both have (very common) needs and you appear to be doing it all on your own. Where’s their other parent and can they do their share? I wouldn’t expect a 12 year old to need supervision with brushing or flossing teeth either, then again I was cutting my own nails at 7 and ended up with gum disease from poor oral hygiene at 15 -something which I’ve since resolved and 20 years on I have needed zero extractions or fillings.

All this is to say none of what you’ve described is out of the ordinary and you appear to be doing your best. Don’t beat yourself up please.