How do I leave this man

[tiredandstressedd]

we have 2 children with chronic health conditions and require 24/7 care, I stay home with them and don’t work, husband works 6 days a week and helps with dc through the night, we sleep in separate rooms and barely get on. He has extreme moods and often screams at me and hits me, I want to leave and have become so depressed at my life I can’t cope any more. I do almost all of the cleaning, cooking and childcare. I don’t have any friends and have 1 living parent who can’t help with the children due to poor health, husband doesn’t have any living parents and one estranged sibling. I hate my life I feel so trapped and I cannot go on like this, the only reason I stay is because we have a lovely large house and no money worries and I put up with being screamed and shouted at and hit because I find it very difficult through the nights caring for both dc and I fear that I will not be able to cope with looking after them 24/7 on my own as I would have no help. I don’t know what to do I’m so miserable I’m a shell of a human being these days and live in constant stress and walking on egg shells

dc are 4 and 3

Ring the police when he hits you and they will remove him.

Obviously this won't help with the long term problem of you being unable to take care of the children.

Would the children living with him be an option instead?

This is no way to live and no large house is worse living through abuse.
I would do the following:
Contact Women's Aid 0808 2000 247
Get in touch with CAB and make sure you have full information about what you will be entitled to in a divorce.

The lovely large house is a marital asset so you will be entitled to half the equity at least. There are various benefits you will be entitled to as well as a single-person household. Plus CMS. This should be enough for you to source some paid help with childcare/respite etc.

“He has extreme moods and often screams at me and hits me”

OP, no-one should have to put up with this sort of behaviour. Your DH must know he’s being unreasonable - I’d tell him that you’ve had enough and will call the police next time he lays hand on you - it’s assault, OP. Then you need to find out just what you would be entitled to if you left him, and make plans to get out. Otherwise you will become embittered and you will end up hating him and resenting your DC, which is no way to live.

Call the police. Are you married?

You don’t need to wait for him to hit you again, you can speak to the police any time. First I’d want to gather information about finances etc to prevent him hiding them/emptying accounts.

My exh raped me nightly. I left with 4 dc under 10. It wasn't easy but better than life as it was.
You find the strength ime because it's what's best for your dc... They don't need him battering their dm as a memory.. My ds is in his 30's and still has therapy (anger management) for how he saw his df around our home. Smashing things and losing his temper with them. A judge decided he didn't get to see those dc..

Contact womens aid

contact social services for help with the children, if they need that level of care, there surely needs to be a care package in place to help you.

a large house & no money worries is not worth this.

report him to the police, even if you don’t take action right now, its logged.

you can see this is wrong. Honestly you can make yourself a much better life away from this man. A little bit of happiness in a small house and no money is worth a million times more that being abused and staying for a big house

@deserthighway are you seriously suggesting the children leave their mother to live with a violent man? Children living with domestic abuse are now victims of DA themselves under the DA Act 2021 even if they don't witness the incidents.

I’m sorry op it must be so difficult! You will definitely get assistance from social services to help with the children; women’s aid if you’re in the uk will help.

My ex was abusive, but I thought it was ok until I saw him turn on my dd. It suddenly made everything extremely clear and simple. Life was difficult, but the peace for us all meant the whole world to us.

Phone women’s aid today for help and support with forming a safe plan to leave.
phone the police to report domestic abuse and violence.
if in the UK https://womensaid.org.uk/information-support/

Are you actually suggesting she leaves two vulnerable small children in the care of a violent man ??!!!

You don’t need to wait for him to assault you again to call the police. You can call them now to report all the assaults you have endured.

I wouldn’t threaten him with the police as suggested here, he may react badly putting you in more danger.