Is he working?

[Actuallyromanticxo]

If your dh started a new wfh job in September and he sometimes says he has to do work before bed but then stays up all night and doesnt come to bed at all. Would you believe him?

No - unless there was a time zone element and he worked during the night to communicate with the Sydney office but then I would expect him to have the next day off. I would expect him to be able to give me more detail.

He now manages a small team so he says he has increase workload as some are difficult. He usually gives details if I ask - he gives some but not much detail as his role is very techy. I have went into his office before and he is doing work stuff.

He worked lots last week as he lots of things to do before year end. He has maybe done this 6 times since September.

So, what, he’s worked late… less than once a month since he started this role? Assuming it’s a fairly senior role that seems entirely believable and I wouldn’t think anything of it, unless you have some other reason to be suspicious?

Sometimes deadlines sneak up on you and stuff just has to get finished 🤷🏻‍♀️

Six times? Then yes I can see how that could be, but if he’s really up working overnight he needs to talk to HIS manager about getting help as he obviously is not coping with the workload.

And he is in a v.senior role

Yes. I sometimes do it because either there's an urgent need, or because the payoff is having a clear day.

What else do you think he is doing?

I can understand him having to work into the early hours now and again (I have to do that myself) but not coming to bed at all is worrying for his health and ability to function properly. That said, if he is in a new senior role trying to prove himself I can see how it may happen but he can’t sustain that long term

What do you think he's doing? All night wankathons? Talking to other women?

Can you not trust your husband to be working when he says he is? If you don't trust him then you need to look at whether or not you want to stay with someone you don't trust.

Depends on what his job is.
I have managed projects where we "followed the sun" (dreadful term), but we were global, so sometimes started really early in the morning and went on until really late at night.
In financial services these hours might be an explanation.

Mine had a 4 year affair so I am tainted but his role involved staying up late to do month end (accountant) and trios away each week. I don't believe anything anymore.

He sometimes goes down south but its like once every 6 months and he does his hardest to not go or to make it as short as possible. Ie he will always travel first thing and back late at night. I suppose once a month since September isnt bad. He can sometimes be soo slow doing things. So maybe he means to only work a few hours then it judy goes on