To go to GP again about 8yo DD low mood?

[airportfloor]

Hi, sorry this is long. And here for traffic.

TLDR: my 8 yo DD doesnt seem to fit any diagnosis for ND but is really sad/ angry a lot of the time and I don't think is 'normal' so not sure how to progress.

Context - me and her dad split 3 years ago but he's 5 mins away from my house, no arguments, she sees us both a lot. Obvs the split is inherently sad as we're not together but honestly the best it could be.

I have 2 DDs 8 and 4. 8yo was a difficult baby (cried for about 6 hours a day) and hard toddler. Kicked off all the time.

8 yo is very bright and can be very lovable. She's a gorgeous girl. Doing very well at school. Got friends at school and externally.

But is very angry and upset all the time. For eg most days she will wake up after 10/11hrs sleep, walk down the stairs and sit on the sofa and pull a rug over her head. Good diet and exercise.

i ask if she's ok - 'no' is the answer. I oh darling I'll make you breakfast, will walk over and give her a kiss over the blanket, while i get on with breakfast etc and she comes around. Could also find herself upset again before school for some reason. Could be it's raining so I want her to wear a jumper (she won't ever wear a coat). Cue another meltdown.

She can be fun and loving as long as I am playing with her. She's never played independently - ever. It's so draining.

But frequently she gets very cross - no matter what we do. It's been so obvious over easter. this weekend we:

• went to a funfair with her mate and she only wants to go on the most daring things which her friend didn't want to and she spends the rest of the time sulking.
• with her sister and dad went play football but she didn't want to be in my team so she sat on the floor not participating.
• got crisps at a pub with a big garden for kids to play in but they didn't have cheese an onion so she was really annoyed and went and sat alone.

Etc Etc. I ignore it and after about 15 mins she comes back fine and we carry on, but it can happen multiple times. So if we are out for 2 hours she can be sulking for nearly all of it.

Plus most at home time she cannot leave me alone or play by herself and gets cross for reasons she doesn't even understand.

it's like the black cloud descends for no reason. I've asked her when she's not so low and she says she doesn't know why she feels like it or behaves like it - like it takes her over. She feels bad about it but can't stop. I do enforce consequences but sometimes it feels painful cos it's coming from her pain rather than being naughty.

I went to the GP for possible ND but the school said she's social so knocked it out and assessment was stopped. I've looked online about the symptoms for Autism and ADHD but she doesn't match most of the symptoms.

Her main issues are difficulty managing emotions. She's just so sad all of the time, and really has been since birth. Very few other symptoms on NHS page for ADHD or Autism. It's a happy house otherwise.

I don't know whether to go to the GP again and to ask for what? I could pay for play therapy but that would be at the expense of other nice things for the family (like holidays) but would do it if it would definitely work (am a single parent). Equally could try and find money for a private assessment but would prevent us doing anything fun/ nice as a family all year.

What would you do?

Also to echo previous comments my DDs primary school completely dismissed my ask that she maybe autistic one teacher actually laughed “oh no we don’t see any of that”… 2years later she was diagnosed aged 10, and adhd diagnosed aged 14. Medication has made a big difference in how she is now coping in the world.

Thank you. What were her symptoms?

I think seeing my diagnosed sister - who does present lots of common Autistic symptoms my daughter doesn't - kind of makes me think my DD isn't autistic and it must be something else?

But I don't know what it could be (there's no diagnosis just for being really cross a lot of the time).

My DD was/is similar in much of what you describe. She has ADHD. School see very little and would never have raised any concerns because it was all coming out at home. We ended up seeking a private assessment after having paid for a few sessions with a psychologist (part with us part with just DD) who thought she could see the possibility of ADHD. We paid extra for a school observation and they were able to pick up subtle signs missed by school. She is academically fine and has friends but when she has friends over to play it's hard work as she wants to be in charge/decide what to play etc. so much of what you describe is so familiar, DDs emotional regulation has been so slow to develop but now at 10 we are finally seeing a change. She isn't medicated at this point but I am thinking it might become necessary once she hits year 6/7 and hormones start to really kick in.
Might be worth you having an initial private session or two with a psychologist to get their view on whether any ND, particularly with family history. Good luck x

Dsd was like this as a child, she was actually diagnosed adhd at 13, she also didn’t display any of the symptoms you read about online

Maybe your DD has AuDHD? Sometimes the autistic traits can mask the adhd and vice versa. For example those with adhd are often highly empathetic, and those with autism may follow rules and control their impulses so the overlap can mean one can hide the other.

Some of the things you mentioned would fit Autism, the angry, she has friends but is difficult with them(social difficults). Hiding under the blanket in the morning(transition difficults). Autism is genetic so the fact your sister is.
Both me and my DD are autistic and present in different ways, DD is angry, where I'm quite and very competent. We are both high maskers I. That we dont obviously stim, my DD makes good eye contact, highly observant, empathetic, have a strong sense of justice, fairness. And special interests in Girls can be missed as it offen a common topic, animals, sports, fashion etc.

I'm not saying she is, as you know her best, but Girls often dont fit the typical profile,on the NHS website. Look at Autism in Girls.

I also really struggled with low mood and depression as a teen but had friends and did very well at school. It’s only as an adult I am on the pathway for ADHD and my husband is convinced I have AuDHD for a number of reasons. I don’t know if it is AuDHD or just the rigid strategies I’ve used to try and keep ADHD symptoms in check but hopefully my assessment will shed some light.