to expect inlaws to have tried more than 2 hotels before asking if they could "bed down" at our house?

[bamboo]

I probably am! We are having a christening party for ds on Sunday and are catering at home for 35-40 people. We're in complete chaos here and with an 8 week old and 3 yr old and one dc in school I never get much chance to get the house straight so I was really relieved when the inlaws, who live miles away and who normally stay with us when they visit, said they'd stay in a hotel. I figured it would be easier to have a blitz on Saturday without two house guests, it meant I wouldn't really have to touch upstairs at all as party guests wouldn't be up there and I could shove all our junk from downstairs into our tip of a bedroom.

Anyway, mil said the two hotels she's tried are full and asked to stay here. Apparently everywhere else is probably too far away - we're talking a couple of miles perhaps. We've said yes because we don't want to make a big issue and cause bad feeling but I'm so hacked off and now have to find time to get the all the bedrooms straight, since inlaws will need our room and dh, me and baby will now have to share with ds1. Oh, and of course sort downstairs and cater for the party.

So, genuine question, AIBU in expecting that they might appreciate that this weekend we don't need two house guests when they'd given us the impression they'd make other arrangements?

I would say no,YANBU if you have to moveout to accompdate them, if you had a spare room that might be differnet!
BUT
good luck trying to explain that to MIL!

My IL's (thank god) have somewhere to stay when they come and visit but it'sa bit basic so they have main meals here and pop in and out but when it snowed once they stayed over and it was a nightmare.
Can you see if there is a b and b nearby and then offer them food etc, just so you have the night to yourselves.
USe DS not sleeping well or baby waking him and him not being able to concentrate at school as a reason maybe?

Unfortunately I think it's a foregone conclusion they'll stay here now we've agreed to it. I'm just interested to know if mumsnetters think I'm justified in feeling v. pissed off about it! Had they stayed in a hotel they would have spent every waking hour round here anyway, it would just mean there was no pressure on me to clean the upstairs as well as everything else.

When ds2 was born my parents offered to put them up to help out and save them forking out for accomodation - they stayed for a week, said they wouldn't be under our feet yet spent most days round here from 10-6pm! And creamed off all the nice jobs like picking up dd from school, leaving dh to make them lunch and cups of tea ! Me and dh just kept joking "Well, I'm glad they're not under our feet...!" They are not inlaws from hell by any means but our stress levels do rise when they stay.

I would be cross too.
Like you say though you cant really do anything about it now.
Unless you call hotels yourself and find a room then find a way to tactfully tell them about it?
Maybe say my friend x just booked a room here and said they have others spare too so I've booked you one. Thought you'd be a lot more comfortable there without being woken in the night by the baby and all the mess thats here etc etc...
Would that work?

Phone the hotels that said they were full - cos you know PIL would have been happy staying there - and beg!! I'm sure if you got a sympathetic reservations person, they would try to help. Then you would simply have achieved what PIL wanted in the first place.

Good luck and sympathy - you're in a situation familiar to me!!!

When my inlaws come over from Ireland they always stay with us and when we go to Ireland we always stay there. It wouldn't cross my mind to ask them to stay in a hotel. Having said that if we were having a party at home when they were staying they would help getting everything ready or at least take the dcs to the park so dh and I could get things ready.

devil advocte here

of course you should let them stay at yours....they are your dhs parents -whenever weve had a party or a get together it goes without saying that people will stay here and my fil stayed with us for a week when ds3 was 4 weeks old.

I think its a poor excuse using the state of the house - you knew the christening was coming a little extra housework every day would have meant all your doors were open and that you could easily cope with the christening,im not being idealistic or mean to you im no domestic godess but when weve had parties or guests here i prepared .... if i were you id start getting on top of things now and hopefully the weekend will run smoothly.

I'm with the OP here, it's a lot of work having houseguests as well as a big party and three children, including a baby.

WindyGT - "you knew the christening was coming a little extra housework every day would have meant all your doors were open and that you could easily cope with the christening", but the OP didn't think she'd have to sort upstairs, so this has doubled the work. I think with an 8w old baby, I'd want to be holed up on the sofa, not acting as anything remotely like a domestic godess!

Yes, if they said they were going to stay in a hotel, I'd expect them to have found one. Can you not put them in DS1's room with him? Or have him in with you? I really wouldn't like being evicted from my bed with a new baby.

Can your parents have them again for the w/e?

but my point exactly was that I am no domestic goddess but inevitably at any parties weve had someones little one has ended up hving a nap in our bedroom - people do nosey round and id not be comfortable with people coming to my house if everything wasnt in reasonable order thats not to say (again) im very houseproud but i think leaving it all til the weekend was really inviting more stress...........does no-one else think that as your dh/dps parents they should be welcomed into your home?

and as i said before i have 3 ds (and no parents of my own to help me) and ive often had people to stay whilst pregnant shortly after the birth and many many times in between

YANBU

Could you not inflict them on your own parents again?

You are totally right to be pissed off but get them to help rather than hinder. Tell them if they are going to stay they have to muck in and help clean, or take all the kids out for a couple of hours to enable you to do so, or go shopping for any last minute stuff, or whatever needs doing basically. Do you think they'd enjoy the opportunity to be useful?

YANBU but if it were me I'd not worry about the state of upstairs and I'd not give up my bed with a baby that little either. You thought in laws were staying in a hotel, they said they'd do that - do not be too accomodating. I'd give them a blow up matress on the lounge floor :D If they do end up in your room, do not clean too much, they might not ask again that way.....

I didnt see in the OP that you wil be giving up your bedroom. Dont do it!!

Call the in laws back and say that you forgot tp mentin before that they will be in the loubnge this time as you have the baby in with you now and if you all move out of your room the baby will wake up your other DS.
Ask them if thats ok or would they rather you try and find them another hotel??

Thanks for your replies. I'm pleased most see where I'm coming from.

Windygalestoday, you are absolutely right I should have done a bit each day but I am such a slattern . Also in my defence, until Tuesday, I was under the impression they would stay in a hotel. And the christening is all a bit last minute. It's a joint one with my niece (both babies born same weekend) and with 3 familes and 4 godparents involved getting a date to suit everyone during July and August was proving impossible.

I wouldn't put them in the lounge as I think that's more disruptive to them and us esp since the party is here on Sunday. Also in with ds is a non starter as he's bound to shout for me in the night and I couldn't really settle him in there with inlaws sleeping on floor so we'd end up 4 in a bed in our bedroom! My parents are fitting a bathroom at the moment so I wouldn't ask them [sigh].

I don't want to fall out with them by pushing the hotel thing as I know they could have found a room if they'd wanted - we're not in the middle of nowhere. So we'll have them here as agreed but I shall silently fume about it. Does that make me a bad person?!

I will have to collar them for childminding (which they'll be more than happy to do) and shopping, as suggested. And try and get off mumsnet find time to blitz upstairs so it's fit for their arrival on Saturday. I can, of course, mumsnet while breastfeeding but haven't yet accomplished vacuuming!

Yes, accommodate them but include them in an 'all mucking in together' ethos. I would be irritated and prefer the hotel option, too (not that that would EVER happen in our family....) , but don't put pressure on yourself - it doesn't matter if they are in a tip of a bedroom amidst piled up furniture - it is a big occasion and you have a baby plus other DCs. Don't fume, make a list of tasks that they can helpfully muck in with - get them out of the house early, shopping, taking kids to park or whatever. Make them part of the team, rather than guests, and you will all enjoy it more than if you fume and fret.

Have you checked that the hotels are still full? No last minute cancellations?

Blu - have you been in my bedroom?

Totally agree with Blu. They stay with you on the understanding that they will fully participate in childcare, cleaning, shopping and food prep. Make sure this is clear before they come. Sort their room as priority, and they can help with the rest. I feel that a family occasion warrants a family effort!