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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Brother and Sister relationship and im the third wheel.

31 replies

MyPlumFox · 06/04/2026 16:51

Just want to know if this is weird or is this normal for a close brother and sister relationship. Me and DP have been together for a long time and have always included his sister in events, holidays etc. We recently went on holiday together and whilst there she kept sharing food ofd the same plate with him (e.g. biting something and saying do you want to taste amd giving the rest to him) making sure he has drinks, buying things from the shop for him, sharing ice cream together - I feel bad as I am his DP and should be doing all this for him but she is quick to jump to his needs. I do all this for him when we at home and he does things for me. I ask to share food with my DP on holiday as I don't eat much but he just blanks me. And on the recent holiday they were sitting together all the time and doing activities together so felt like I was third wheeling! I have a sibling and I will do anything for them but not to this length as we are complete opposite in what we like. I did ask him about this and told him how it makes me feel bad but he just said it is what it is.
Is it me or is this normal?

OP posts:
Echobelly · 06/04/2026 16:53

Yeah, that dynamic seems odd, especially in front of a partner and she should not be constantly with you on holidays etc.

PopcornKitten · 06/04/2026 18:09

Why is she always with you? Does she not have her own friends etc to go away with?
do you ever go away without her?

MyPlumFox · 06/04/2026 18:20

She doesn't have many friends and no partner. So my DP feels bad for her and wants to include her in most of our outings.

OP posts:
PopcornKitten · 06/04/2026 18:38

MyPlumFox · 06/04/2026 18:20

She doesn't have many friends and no partner. So my DP feels bad for her and wants to include her in most of our outings.

But that’s not helping her make friends.
and it’s causing you resentment. I do think you need to nip this in the bud otherwise it will become the norm.
he’d be better helping her join a hobby.

Blimms · 06/04/2026 18:40

Why hasn’t your DP shut this down?

Easterbunnyhaspackedherbasket · 06/04/2026 18:47

Have you actually pointed out they look like the couple and you the sibling?
Refuse the next trip.
There will be one component missing from his trip. Hopefully he will clock what's wrong with the throuple set up.

HeddaGarbled · 06/04/2026 19:38

making sure he has drinks, buying things from the shop for him, sharing ice cream together - I feel bad as I am his DP and should be doing all this for him but she is quick to jump to his needs

That’s why he hasn’t shut it down. Two hand maids for the price of one.

anon12345anon · 06/04/2026 19:44

Ridiculous....you need to leave this relationship x

Flowers for you

101Alsatians · 06/04/2026 19:46
Season 5 Danny GIF by Friends

Bit,um, intense eh!

SpiceGirlsNeedAComeBack · 06/04/2026 19:50

This is a bit weird even reading it made me uncomfortable. Does your dp know how strange this dynamic is on the outside?

thepariscrimefiles · 06/04/2026 19:56

It reminds me of the episode of Friends where Rachel is dating a man who had a very inappropriate touchy feely relationship with his sister.

That was really creepy. Your husband's relationship with his sister sounds a bit like that.

ETA that I've just realised that another poster has posted a video from that episode!

clarepetal · 06/04/2026 20:00

thepariscrimefiles · 06/04/2026 19:56

It reminds me of the episode of Friends where Rachel is dating a man who had a very inappropriate touchy feely relationship with his sister.

That was really creepy. Your husband's relationship with his sister sounds a bit like that.

ETA that I've just realised that another poster has posted a video from that episode!

Edited

My thoughts exactly.

Do they bath together?

SpaceRaccoon · 06/04/2026 20:03

Ewww, I had one like that. He and his sister would hold hands, the interlaced boyfriend-girlfriend way. He tried to take my hand on the other side - fuck off with that, no way was I looking like I was in some sort of weird thrupple with the pair of them.

WillYouDoTheFandango · 06/04/2026 20:07

I had a boyfriend like this when I was about 20. We went out for his birthday and there weren’t enough seats in the taxi so he suggested she sat on his knee. He carried her honeymoon style to the bar. They asked me to watch their drinks while they went for a dance in the nightclub. It was creepy as fuck. Reader, I did not marry him. 🤮

Dollymylove · 06/04/2026 20:07

Sounds creepy. Run for the hills!!

Icanflyhigh · 06/04/2026 20:12

Have you actually talked to him about this?
It's weird as fuck and you know it.

Hoppinggreen · 06/04/2026 20:12

Neither of you should be doing those things for him, its weird

Clementine12 · 06/04/2026 20:14

I’m super close to my brother, we get on great. But even a hug feels awkward. This is all seriously icky!

SpecialAgentMaggieBell · 06/04/2026 20:16

101Alsatians · 06/04/2026 19:46

Bit,um, intense eh!

Exactly this! Was gonna mention Danny and his sister from friends.

SpecialAgentMaggieBell · 06/04/2026 20:18

WillYouDoTheFandango · 06/04/2026 20:07

I had a boyfriend like this when I was about 20. We went out for his birthday and there weren’t enough seats in the taxi so he suggested she sat on his knee. He carried her honeymoon style to the bar. They asked me to watch their drinks while they went for a dance in the nightclub. It was creepy as fuck. Reader, I did not marry him. 🤮

Ew. You want Ross and Monica not Danny and Krista!

nochance17 · 06/04/2026 20:21

If he has no inclination to put you first and has not put a stop to this in the years you have already been together I would dump him and move on to someone who will prioritise you. It is creepy and if he doesn’t think there’s anything wrong with it, she will still be shadowing you if you marry and have kids, why would you sign up for being sidelined in your own relationship. Just out of interest how old are they and why doesn’t she have her own life ? What was their upbringing/parents like ?

JumpingPumpkin · 06/04/2026 20:56

It reminds me of that episode in Friends,"The One With The Inappropriate Sister".

MyPlumFox · 07/04/2026 07:29

@nochance17 this is what it feels like as I feel second all the time. He introduced his sister in a conversation than moments later me. Everytime I say anything he gets defensive and find faults elsewhere. She is 25 and he is 32. Their upbringing was different to each other, his parents were strict on him and she got away with everything and spoilt. I always joke and say that she is his 'ride or die' and she says always takes his side in discussions no matter if they both wrong.

OP posts:
Shatandfattered · 07/04/2026 07:32

I have two of these. My sympathies.

Morepositivemum · 07/04/2026 07:37

The eating thing is weird, the rest if you think of it is what two people do on holidays even with friends eg just me and a friend I’ll get them a drink etc but the fact that they make you a third wheel is terrible. I’ll be honest though op it’ll never change and if you were my partner and constantly bringing it up it would grate