To leave DP because he’s not very nice to me?

[ClimeSlime]

I’ve been with DP for years, I have SC and we have DC together. In daily life I plan and organise everything, but he does financially contribute and does a fair share of housework. But day to day he’s just borderline rude and usually cold to me. I feel like I’m the one putting effort in and he tolerates me. I feel like I’m constantly asking for affection and love and he doesn’t want anything but sex and a housekeeper.

Financially, leaving would be harder but not impossible, but I’d struggle with not seeing DC every day and having to share holidays. As he’s barely civil to me now, I’m sure he’d make coparenting as hard as possible.

YABU - you should leave
YANBU - suck it up, this is the life you chose

Why would anyone tell you to stay? Go and be happy.

Because I won’t get to see DC every day and he’ll do his hardest to turn them against me?

If he’s that awful your DC will
soon recognise this…move on while you have the energy. He doesn’t sound like he’ll want to do much solo parenting anyway…

I’d be frank with him and say you gave the impression that he doesn’t like you and barely tolerates you. So there’s no point staying together.

His reaction will tell you what you need to know.

Why not try talking to him and couples therapy first. It doesn't have to be tolerating this or leaving. If they don't work at least you will be clear in your own mind where you are.

Your partner being nice to you is literally the bare minimum expectation in a relationship.

do yourself a favour and leave before your child thinks this is a healthy way to live. They will take on the relationships they view around them and think that’s how they should act when they’re older. Set the example of how you’d like them to live when they’re older so they become a happy and well rounded human being who can hold down a healthy relationship.

First, get everything in order to separate. Research housing, school change if necessary, evaluate finances, consult a lawyer for advice.
The speak with your husband about how you feel and allow him to air his feelings.
Consider couples and individual therapy.
Then decide how to proceed.

What is there to question? You are just a bangmaid to him. Children and finances complicate things but I would choose being single over being a bangmaid.

Abuse increases after a relationship ends.

If you can’t escape with the DCs and go no contact your life could get much much worse.

So she should just wait around and wait for it to get worse anyway?

It sounds awful, I’m sorry. How old are your children?

This is the dilemma abused women have.