45 and feel no need for physical closeness anymore

[BbjghiIfewh]

I’m 45 and feel completely touched out. I’m middle-aged but still have primary-school-aged children who, of course, need a lot of attention. I think I went into perimenopause around 40, and since then I’ve increasingly felt this way.
I still make an effort with the kids, but I really want some of my autonomy back. My husband isn’t happy about it and says he no longer feels connected to me. I understand that not much has changed for him, but if I’m honest, I just don’t feel the same need for physical closeness anymore.
So maybe this isn’t really an “am I being unreasonable” question—but am I that unusual?

I'm not sure if it's unusual but it's very often a marriage breaker.

You have to make an effort to keep it going. I am not ready to lose my sex life, physical affection and closeness with my DH so I make an effort to be close to him, to get myself in the head space for sex regularly and to keep that side of the relationship alive. It would be easy to let it all die in peri but I would hate that, so I don't.

To be fair you are entitled to not want physical intimacy any more for whatever reason - everyone may say get HRT or whatever but if you don’t want to you don’t have to. But your husband may decide being in a marriage with no physical intimacy is just friendship and not a marriage and may want a different life.My husband and I met later in life and I started menopause at age 41 so I’ve been on HRT for 15 years. He like some men his age has suffered with ED at times. He got help. I got help for my dryness etc and we aren’t at it on a daily basis but we snuggle, hold hands and kiss all day. At least 30 -50 times per day. We sleep naked curled up around each other. And we have sex regularly at least twice a week. If he was struggling with ED and we couldn’t have sex if he was prepared to do other sexual stuff I could live with it it wouldn’t be a marriage breaker but no physical intimacy would be a no for me. Unless we were at an age where sex wasn’t on the agenda for either of us. Eg 85 or something.

All of my married friends in the age bracket 40-60 are apart from one where she said it had dried up but actually the reality was he gave her the ick, both of them were having affairs and they divorced.

My sister felt like this In her late 20s of all ages.
But she had kids at school and like you they wanted and needed her attention.
She said she had tapped out.
No interest in sex or hugs etc, because when she had free time she wanted to be left alone.

As the kids got older she started to feel more herself again.
Shes now 41 and kids moved out, and she' back to herself again, energy and wanting attention for herself.
She called it a blip in her life.
She now lives for her, as she said when we have responsibilitys we get tired drained and forget about ourselves, and tap out.

Edit for spelling mistakes.

I make an effort to keep it going but quite honestly I can take it or leave it. I’m in my late 40s.

OP, I think your feelings are natural. Not ideal, but normal for the stage of life you’re at 💐

I feel like this is mainly an age/hormone thing but also that am tired of everyone wanting something from me, husband, kids....and all I want is just to be left alone in peace 🤣

Sadly this is what happened to me and I not only completely went off any form of intimacy I felt completely repulsed by it and my exH.
That lead to the breakup of my marriage. If I had my time again Id have gone to a private hrt clinic and been prescribed testosterone. It does restore your joie de vivre generally.
But I didnt know you could get it in the UK. You can.

Its definitely peri. I never felt like that before.

It's definitely peri.
I am on HRT including testosterone and it does help. But equally it's a state of mind.

Well I'm 44 and a life without physical closeness sounds hellish to me...I'd probably become deeply depressed. So no I don't think it's normal.

I'd definitely try to tackle the issue before your marriage cracks.

What if it completely disappeared? I split up with my partner 18 months ago. I am 53 and don’t have kids, parents and siblings and most of my extended family are dead. I honestly can’t remember the last time I was physically touched by another human being - it’s been several months. And it’s really awful. Work on it being a blip.

Same feelings same 45.
Never been bothered about intimacy tbh but now it feels pointless and I physically recoil when DH Tries to engage. I literally slap his hands away at times,
It makes him feel awful then I feel under pressure to make more effort which just exacerbates feelings.

Seemed pretty common unfortunately

Definitely get the being 'touched out' thing. My job is also working with children so by end of the day and children in bed I do find myself wanting some space both physically and emotionally. DH is very much a snuggler and would sleep cuddling if he could, but I need space. So we have a cuddle and then find our space, I guess it's important to find a compromise, but that's not always easy.

I would say these feelings are not unreasonable and not at all unusual. I think I they’re not talked about a lot. And I think a lot of women carry on having sex with husbands even though they could take it or leave it.

Have you considered HRT?

Same happened to me. It caused the end of the marriage.