I’ve noticed a bit of a pattern on here and I wonder if anyone else has too.
Quite often, posts start with “me and my son/daughter are so close” and more and more I find myself thinking… are you though?
In genuinely close relationships, it usually just is. It shows in how you communicate, how safe the other person feels being honest, and how well you understand each other. It doesn’t really need announcing or repeating as a kind of headline.
Whereas when it’s said frequently, almost as a preface to everything, it can sometimes feel like it’s being used to smooth over cracks, or even to avoid looking at things that aren’t quite right.
My own mum does this. She’ll say “we’re so close” as a reason why I should tell her things or should feel a certain way. But I don’t actually feel that closeness at all, if anything it feels like it’s used as a bit of leverage rather than something that exists naturally.
There’s a thread at the moment where someone opens with exactly that line, and is then confused about why her daughter didn’t tell her she got married. And I just think, saying it repeatedly doesn’t make it true. If anything, it can be a way of burying your head in the sand.
I also notice a lot of posts along the lines of “I don’t know why my son/daughter did this, we’re so close.” But if you genuinely can’t even see their perspective, not agree with it, but at least understand where they’re coming from, then something is missing.
Closeness isn’t just about how you feel about the relationship. It’s about whether the other person feels safe, understood, and able to be themselves without pressure or expectation.