AIBU to want to hire a cleaner and to get some paid decorating help?

[Chizzit]

I feel a bit ridiculous to be starting this thread because I know what advice I'd give to someone else asking the same question ('do what's right for you and don't worry about what anyone else thinks!'). However, the reality is that I DO worry about what other people think and am worried that I am being unreasonable. All opinions welcome!

A bit of background: DH and I both work full-time, 9-5. One DD, aged 2, who goes to nursery. I tend to be out of the house from 8.15-5.45 due to commuting, whilst DH works about 10 minutes away and can sometimes WFH too. I have to work some extra hours too to keep my head above water at work (not ideal but it's an NHS mental health role and I have a moderately senior position, and I've not been. able to find any way around it); I do any of these extras late at night when DD is asleep. DH never really has to do anything outside of his regular hours. We live in a 2-bedroomed terrace, mortgage-free but pretty run-down. Relatively low-cost area. No debt and decent savings. No more kids planned. Our combined salary has jumped in the past year from about £75,000 to £130,000 due to gaining new qualifications and getting promotions. I think it's safe to say that I never expected to be in a financial position like this - it has been a sort of slow-motion shock to the system to us both and we retain the mindsets of people scraping by.

Our house is cluttered (still, despite several bouts of de-cluttering!); every room needs repainting and there are other cosmetic jobs to do throughout, from doors hanging wonkily to stains from past radiator leeks to shelves that need putting up. DH and I are also both pretty non-brilliant at keeping it well-organised. DH does DIY things and most of the cooking; I do most of the laundry and cleaning; we both help one another out as needed. But I think I can be honest and say that neither of us keeps up our end of the bargain as well as I would like. We have a lovely dog who sheds fur everywhere, which doesn't help in terms of the basics of keeping things looking nice. I can also hold my hands up and admit that I am not the best at being consistent and organised, and that I have a tendency towards crashing out in the evenings when DD is in bed rather than being productive.

My rationale is that paying a decorator for some one-off tasks would be worthwhile, and that I would really value having a cleaner weekly or fortnightly to help me to keep up higher standards. We can well-afford it. And yes, we can do all the cleaning ourselves, but it would be of value to me to feel a bit less pressure.

My DH's rationale is that paying for help like this is lazy and frankly ludicrous given that we have far more time and fewer responsibilities than many other people (only one kid; a small house); that it is wasteful; that we should either do it ourselves or accept a low standard. I chatted about it with one of my best friends the other day and she agreed with my DH. She went so far as to say that keeping your own home looking lovely should be an act of self-respect and love. She herself has 3 DCs, a full-time job, a DH who does nothing on the domestic side and she keeps her home immaculate, so I can't help but feel pretty ashamed in comparison.

YABU - sort it out yourselves, you lazy things.
YANBU - it's ok to hire some help.

I love DIY, gardening and even a bit of cleaning.

But I have a 2yo, and I don't even have loads of time to exercise and do my regular hobbies, let alone other stuff.

I've just booked £1500 of different trades to sort out our house in various ways. It gave us our whole weekend back, and although we only couldn't do one of the jobs (roof), life is too much of a grind with even a nice toddler.

I used to have a friend who was horrified when i sent my ironing out. "But that's your work!" Nope. My work is spending long hours every day with young people with disabilities. Cleaning and laundry are not my work, nor are they self care. They are a burden.

My husband was always against getting a cleaner. He couldn't explain why but I suspect having a very frugal mum with traditional Methodist viewpoints about not indulging yourself were part of it! He had 2 jobs for most of our marriage and did relatively little cleaning. The state of the house drove me bonkers.

I spent 2 weeks of annual leave painstakingly decluttering and cleaning everything to my ideal level and then booked the cleaner. Three hours once a fortnight keeps everything under control. That is my self care. I pay 2 women to do the stuff I don't want to do. They have employment at more than NMW and I don't spend my weekends descaling the shower.

While I currently clean and decorate my own house I would not judge you for employing someone to do that.
There have been times in my life where I have been so busy and working away where having a cleaner has been the best present I could give myself. Coming back to a clean and tidy home is less stressful than returning to mess.
But you need to sort out mess and clutter first- a cleaner will not be able to work around this and it would be a nightmare to sort for a decorator to be able to work.
I suggest you both systematically go through each room in your house and-

• check clutter for stuff that needs throwing away or donating
• think of what type of storage you could put in each room to reduce clutter and mess- things like a storage chest for kids toys so you could quickly bung stuff in it on the day the cleaner came, desk to put paperwork in etc
• Make a list for each room what needs doing decoration wise (a bit like a de-frag list) emulsion? woodwork? replacement flooring? Decide which might be small jobs you could do yourself and which might be longer jobs that you could use a professional for. You may struggle to get a decorator willing to do lots of little stuff.

Finally if you can get the clutter off the floor maybe a robovac to keep ontop of things like dog hair

You both sound miserable. On that income and living the way you describe but too stingy to pay to get a head start on living better. Why??

Could you do up the house and then move for more space? Make sure you then get more furniture to put things in.

Of course YANBU to hire both a cleaner and a decorater, it’s an absolute no- brainer. It sounds like you have more than enough money for this relatively modest outlay.

@Chizzit you’re out of the house almost 50 hours a week, you have the fatigue from commuting, and you do overtime at home as well. Do you feel bad about not being ‘productive’ as you say, in the evenings? You shouldn’t, your schedule sounds exhausting, it’s no wonder that you crash out.

Tell DH he doesn’t work your hours and wfh some of the time is less tiring than always out of the house and a commute, so he doesn’t know what he’s talking about!

This.

Make your home loved and you might have more motivation. If not get a clearer too.

I'd love one but we decided on a gardener instead and as a family we'd clean.

Thankfully my dh never expected me to clean. I never expected him to do DIY. Life is too short. There will always be people who turn their noses up at others having a cleaner. Tough.

When DS was a baby my MIL rather snarkily said "now you are on maternity leave, you won't need that cleaner". My mother was there and heard it and it was one of the few times she had my back. "Really Joan, did you bring your girls up to clean?".

Get the cleaner and the decorator. You can have a manicure and nice clothes too.

We do this. It is not my skill set, I don’t want to do it, I can afford to pay someone to do it - and DH has not felt sufficiently motivated to do it until such time I suggest paying someone to do it…

just get help.

I stole this tip from a MNer about 15 years ago and it’s transformational.

I have 2 hours booked in with an “odd job” person every two months. I keep a running list of things that need to be done and pay regardless of whether they come.

£30 an hour or so on a professional decorator is the best value for money I can think of. No comparison on the finish and it always amazes me how they can whip round a room with two coats in a day and leave it looking fabulous while it would take a week and a lot of arm and heartache for me just to get the walls done, let alone the pain in the arse stuff like skirtings.

That's a great idea, I'm going to do this!

You can afford it. get paid decorators to sort out the house..Give yourselves a break