DDs friends and sleepovers

[delicatemamia]

DD is 12 and has 2 close friends, all go to same school but the 2 friends aren’t particularly close to DD and DD plays with them both separately.

DD and DF1 have became really close recently and spending more time together outside of school. DF1 seems like a lovely girl and has mentioned a few times about having a sleepover at our house with DD. I’ve said we can organise something during the holidays.

DD and DF2 have also became close outside of school recently and live 3 doors away from each other. In the last 2 months DD has had a sleepover at DF2’s house twice. DF2 is also a lovely girl.

I think it’s only fair we offer to have DF2 at ours for a sleepover also.

DD has been playing more with DF1 recently and has asked if DF1 can sleepover in the next few days.

aibu to have DF1 for a sleepover first? Or should we have DF2 for the sleepover first as DD has been to theirs twice for a sleepover now.

Cant have at same time as don’t have enough space and as I’ve mentioned the 2 DFs aren’t very close to each other.

I know both girls parents very well. Don’t want to upset any of them as it’s nice to see DD having 2 close friends.

I think you are overthinking this. Just have over first whoever can make that time and start arranging for the other friend to stay a different time.

@GamingIsNotForLosers thank you. I overthink everything so you are right. Thank you

This is a good opportunity to explain some social etiquette for your daughter. Explain she must return df2's invitation to sleep at her house first, then invite df1 soon after.

It’s fine, have DF1 round now and arrange to have DF2 round in the next few weeks.

If only I could so easily spot my own overthinking! I'm sure it'll work out fine.

You say you haven't got room for both, obviously I don't know your living situation but are you sure......my daughter's friends (3-4 of them) regularly sleep over in her very average sized room! They all pile in her bed, sleep on the floor, hang from the rafters like bat's etc!!
I think as adults we want them to have adult like comforts but mostly kids just don't give a shit as long as they are having fun with their friends.

As they all go to the same school I think it would be polite to invite DF2 first, especially as she has hosted your DD now twice without that being reciprocated. It would look rude when they return to school if DF2 hears that DF1 went to a sleepover at yours and she hasn't yet been invited.

Thanks for the replies everyone I appreciate it

Friend 1 first but separately get a date booked in for f2 at the same time for a later date, so if f2 hears about first sleepover she wont get wrong end of the stick and think she isnt having one after hosting your dd twice already

Yes, this is what I came on to say - it doesn't much matter what order the actual sleep overs happen, as long as you arrange them with both girls, on the next date they are available for. Then nobody can feel like they aren't valued.

While you are over thinking to an extent, friendships are important and complex at this age, so it's good that you are supporting your daughter in making sure both of her friends feel like they are important to her. It must be a tricky one for her to navigate, if she is equally friends with both but they don't hang out together as a three.....