To just leave ds14 to it?

[suchgreatheights2]

As always in the holidays, I’m questioning myself and how much I should insist ds14 actually spends time with us. He is a sporty lad, spends a lot of time in the garden or in the park. At home he is happy in his room either gaming or on his phone. He will come and eat with us in an evening and watch a bit of TV but other than that I feel like I barely see him.

I have younger dc (big age gap) so I get that he might not want to do days out or anything like that. But even getting him to come for a walk is a battle. This weekend I got sick of asking so I took the little ones out and when I got back 3 hours later he was still in the same spot gaming. It doesn’t sit well with me.

I have always tried to carve out one on one time with him to do things we can’t do with little ones like cinema or whatever but he doesn’t even seem interested in that now. Is this normal? How much involvement in family life do you expect your teens to have?

Normal however I would limit gaming time - massively- and see what he wants to do then.
Works for us - 16 year old would game all day if allowed but limit the time and suddenly he’s outside or wants to go out with us

Would he be tempted out by a Nando’s or pizza with you? That used to work with mine at that age.

He’s pretty good at limiting himself. Would always rather be outside than inside but it is an option for evenings or rainy days.

He sounds like a normal 14 year old to me. He knows where you are if he needs you.

I only had one child (47 this year), and remember him at 14. He was into computer programming and music - the two can and do go together - would spend hours creating things. However he did go out with friends and they would come round, they had fun and all ate with us.

He'd ride his bike to places, was not someone who just went out for a bike ride but it was useful transport.

We'd take him out, sometimes with friend, to gigs and that sort of thing but he did a lot on his own, still does, I saw him earlier and he's fine.

Don't worry about him, just let him be himself and he'll appreciate that when he's older. I'm sure he is lovely.

You'll have this all over again when your younger one gets a bit older, bless,

Thank you that is really kind. I have a tendency to overthink when it comes to my kids (and in general if I’m honest). I want to give them happy, fulfilling childhoods and I have to learn that they don’t always need to be with me doing instagram worthy things for that to be the case. I really appreciate the comments. It’s reassured me a lot.