If you’re a regular user: Is MN your guilty secret or are you open about using it regularly?

[Theboredpanda]

I’m just wondering if it’s just me or if everyone does this…I’m a regular user, but never in a million years would I admit that to anyone in my real life! If I want to talk about something i saw on here to someone IRL, I may say something like “I saw this thing on MN” and make a self-deprecating joke about how I’m a bit of a loser for being on it. I’d never admit that I’m a regular user or that I have debates with strangers on here or use it for anything other than asking for parenting advice occasionally. Does everyone else do the same or are you open about it with your friends & wider social circle? If not, why not?

This is a really interesting take. I think it could be spot on actually- something about the word “mums” still conjures up ideas of bored housewives swapping Tupperware tips etc. Which is so sad (not that I’m not guilty of also having those subconscious associations with the word, even though I am a mum and I KNOW that mum does not equal boring!!)

Private about it, due to the transphobia here.

Only partner and kids know. If they say "Mumsnet" out loud in public, I shush them 😄 Only been here about 25 years 😶

I love opening it and reading ...my 9 year old daughter...boring...boring...

Why are people embarrassed about using MN?

I kept it absolutely quiet that I was on here for the first ten years or so but the last 12 years I have occasionally mentioned it.

I have been on chat forums for years, and on here for a year or so. If I see anything I think will be of interest to friends and family, I will happily share that I saw this on MN, or I posted about this on another forum.

To be honest, no one I know in the real world has any interest in having conversations with people online...it doesn't stop me discussing it though.

I'm out and proud mostly. MN has taught me so much about some really important things in my life. But I try not to go on about it too much with my kids because they believe what they hear about it being transphobic. They're all fully paid-up JK Rowling haters, sadly. I belong to a few other special interest forums. I'm surprised people are negative about debating with strangers online. It's just about the best part of the internet imo. I was active on Usenet back in the day.

Same. Always been same name. I am who I am

I am open about being on here.

All my family are very scornful of me being on it. I try to keep it a secret.

Why are they scornful?

My husband & kids know I read Mumsnet but I’d never tell them I post and reply… dunno, just feels cringe to admit that in real life! I wouldn’t tell anyone else in case they came on and recognised me!!

My SIL has mentioned it before but I didn’t say a word 🙊

Don’t you think chatting to strangers about random topics that are usually fairly pointless (eg. “Woman in Asda nicked my parking space..AIBU?”) is embarrassing to admit?

I massively disagree but 2 of my closest friends would probably think it's pointless, whilst at the same time sending me pointless shit they found on Facebook, which I can't usually see because I have never once had a Facebook account , so I guess it's all swings and roundabouts.

They also watch soaps and reality TV so I take their judgement of me on MN with a pinch of salt 😂.

I’ve been on here for around 20/25 years. I don’t tell people really. Did in the early days.

Dh & dcs know. One is on Reddit a lot. I can’t deal with Reddit. I wouldn’t know where to start looking for other chat forums if MN went.

I agree with a pp who said MN has its reputation because of misogyny. However Where else can women get support from others about leaving a DV situation?

MN is a huge site with lots of specialist topics where posters are having intelligent, useful conversations, sharing info and experience and helping other women.

But what’s wrong with having a “pointless conversation about random things”? Men do it all the fucking time and don’t feel embarrassed about it.

If you are embarrassed it’s because you think the fact that it’s a site designed for women, and god forbid mothers is embarrassing in and of itself and that’s internalised misogyny.

Think about what that attitude (even if it’s one you don’t openly express) is teaching your children?

I bet you hold your entire household together, I bet without you the family would bloody fall apart. And you are a “Mum”, so what’s embarrassing or “cringe” about that?

The SN boards made a profound difference to my DS's life. I am happy to admit to being on MN. (These days it's FWR and various political/ news threads mainly, with a little sprinkling of asking where I could get this or that piece of clothing). I am not going to lie about using what I consider to be one of the most valuable information resources on the planet.

I’m so tired of people on MN accusing every single little thing of misogyny. It’s really annoying. I DO recognise (as I replied to another poster saying this) that part of the MN shame may have something to do with the name - “mums” having connotations of bored housewives, boring conversation etc and that is really sad..But it doesn’t make someone a misogynist for subconsciously being ashamed of using MN because of those connotations, it makes them a product of the misogynistic society they were brought up in.

The bigger reason is embarrassing though, has nothing to do with which specific forum it is and nothing to do with misogyny. Having conversations with strangers online - pointless or intellectual, to me personally, feels embarrassing because it suggests I don’t have enough friends to do that with IRL, and it suggests I’ve got too much time on my hands - which in turn suggests I don’t work hard enough/don’t have a social life etc etc. Part of the reason I made this thread was cos I was wondering if it was normal to still feel embarrassed about chatting to strangers online in 2026, considering what a huge part of our lives the internet is now. Turns out it still very much is

It's one of my dirty secrets. I'm happy with it.

It surprises me that so many people on this thread are embarrassed about being part of a website in which woman come together, talk and organise. It’s such a shame.

Honestly?

It's a guilty secret and I do feel like a loser for being here! My friends all disapprove and one colleague who used to contribute rolled her eyes and said, 'Oh, some of those women on there!'. So MN's reputation isn't high.

I go through bouts of looking in and commenting and then usually become horrified at the level of verbal abuse and sometimes plain ignorance and nastiness. I've been attacked in the past and yes, it does affect me even though I know that the really horrible people on here are usually sad cases who take out their frustrations on others as therapy, I guess.

But I'm very aware that my world is a narrow bubble and of course, we all have friends who are very like us in background and values, so I do find MN useful for exposing myself to other types of people and other attitudes. Sometimes - I'll be honest - it's rather depressing.

Also, I consider myself a strong feminist but I'm older and I'm interested to see the new ideas and attitudes which younger women hold today. I don't always agree with them, but I want to be aware of them.

I like the cultural threads best - books, film, TV etc where the level of discussion is really interesting and well-informed. They are the best thing about MN.

What depresses me are the rude, abusive, semi-literate and sweary posts which fail to engage with a reasoned discussion and just descend to personal warfare. It IS sad that, if you scroll to the end of many threads, you inevitably find a horrible series of exchanges where (mostly women, I'd imagine) are just baiting each other. Very depressing!

It hasn't occurred to me not to be open.

For example any news or views I read first on here, I'd just say I saw it on Mumsnet

Where else but on an internet chat forum can you speak to people in far-flung places, people you would never meet in real life, and have different conversations about any subject under the sun?

Nowhere.

In my opinion smaller forums where people tend to post regularly using the same username are better in one way, because you do actually get to know the posters. On the other hand, a huge forum like this gives more opportunity to 'meet' lots of different people, though sometimes it is baffling whether we are speaking to an actual person or a robot.

I would certainly never try to hide my online activities to family and friends, I'm sure theirs could be a lot worse than mine.

I try to only write stuff I'd be OK with my friends and family seeing. I can't swear I always achieve that standard, but I aim for it.

Yes, I know the thing about an anonymous forum is that you CAN say things you wouldn't in real life, and that's great when it's an AMA thread or where - as here - OP has asked for honest, unvarnished opinions. That's fine.

What isn't fine is the personal abuse. I wish pps would stick to the OP's question and not throw insults around. So often nasty people think they've cleverly 'read between the lines' of the OP and start accusing them of all kinds of attitudes.prejudices and motives that a) there is no evidence for and b) aren't the point, and derail the discussion. To try to prevent this, many OPs write lengthy posts full of disclaimers instead of being concise with their point/question. It's tedious but I can see why they do it - to try and stop the petty nit-pickers ('What's it got to do with anything that she was elderly?" "Why did you mention her lip-filler?" etc etc yawn.