To have spoken (nicely!!) to neighbour

[JellyTrees]

We have a kids playground in the center of our apartment buildings, covered in fake grass with the usual kids playground equipment. Grassy areas to the sides. Since it's Easter, I was out with my kids and keeping an eye on a few of the neighbours kids (all playing together). A neighbour came out with her dog, massively straining at its leash, and walked right onto the fake grass, next to the kids, and let it poop right there. As she was putting it in a bag, I asked "Sorry, I don't mean to be a jerk, but could you keep your dog off the kids playground please? As well as this being fake grass, so hard to keep clean, one of the kids is really scared of dogs". She said yes, then proceeded to let it pee under the slide and dragged it back into her building. I didn't say anything else, but over the past few days this woman has made it clear she's massively angry about the whole thing. IDK, I think she's insane, but I'm considering apologising to keep the peace, so

YABU: Yes apologise
YANBU: Do not apologise

Is ask the leaseholder about rules around dogs, as you can't have dogs defecating where children play ...

over the past few days this woman has made it clear she's massively angry about the whole thing.

How has she made it clear?

Why would you even consider apologising? For what, exactly?

Only ESA certified pets allowed, but they don't enforce it, and I can't report her without knowing her apt number. Definitely in the rules when you move in

I would have said to her that dogs aren't allowed on the fake grass. Who owns the apartment block?

She let her dog poo and pee on the fake grass????

Hmm... Could be worth drawing the dog poo/wee to their attention, rather than the dog itself... Maybe they could put a no dogs sign up in the courtyard instead?

Mainly dirty looks and heavy sighing whenever our paths cross, and a comment on the group chat about people without dogs shouldn't judge those who have them, and how she doesn't comment about the kids (basically, 'stay in your lane'). I've smiled and said hi a couple of times, and she's made a face.

I think she's clearly got something going on, and am thinking of apologising, because I want to keep the peace and not have any trouble. Not because I think her dog pooping on the playground is in any way acceptable.

When you say you think she’s insane, are we talking genuine mental health problems here? Or that it’s insane that she would think it’s acceptable to use a children’s playground for her dog’s toilet? If

If she’s just outrageously unreasonable, then I think you’d be making a rod for your own back by apologising. These people thrive on intimidation and making less abrasive people worry about causing an issue. Fight fire with fire. Let it known that you are also incredibly angry with her for allowing her dog to shit in a children’s playground. Stop smiling at her. Glare right back.

It's linked to potential blindness in children isn't it? Please don't apologise to someone doing such an awful thing

Talk to the other parents about it if you can, and if it happens again film it openly.

She’s sulking she’s been told-off! As long as you don’t think it will escalate into violence then stand your ground, she needed to be told. Has she stopped her dog going to the toilet where the kids play?

You should ask for a no-dogs sign to put up. It’s usually standard at parks.

I probably shouldn't have said insane, but there seems something not quite right about her letting her dog poop there if the first place (it was clearly desperate, but she had to walk past the grass area to get to the playground. Also not allowed to let your dog go there, but emergencies happen), then seeming shocked to be asked not to, then the obvious grudge holding. Just get a very weird vibe from her overall.

I'm pretty easygoing and non-confrontational, but didn't think I could let it slide when I was the only other adult out with the kids.

Maybe I won't apologise, and if people notice her glaring and huffing at me, I'll just explain why.

The kids don’t go and poop in her doorway, or wherever else she likes to walk. So it’s not comparable.

If they did however, she would have every right to complain.

What she allowed her dog to do, where kids are playing, is disgraceful behaviour and extremely inconsiderate of others. No, she doesn’t deserve an apology. If anyone should apologise it should be coming from her.

Don’t apologise. Hopefully it won’t happen again but if it does then she needs reporting. Stop smiling at her. Why do that? Ignore if you can. I’m not sure I’d be saying hi to her. If she’s not saying anything to you don’t speak to her. I wouldn’t glare at her though. That could make things worse. Just try to avoid her and ignore her.

You had ever right to pull her up on that. Who lets their dog do that in a children’s play area?

Someone glaring and huffing after being so unreasonable would get short shrift from me.

Shouldn't be too difficult to dind out her apartment number.

Or keep it unspecific and get a petition of parents of children to sign calling for the owners to enforce the rules about dogs because dogs have been regularly seen defecating in the children's play area

The fact that she walked past the real grass to reach the kids play area, is really strange and maybe she has some issues with kids… or mental health problems.
you were right to call her out.
Even if she makes you feel uncomfortable , try to ignore her looks… it’s good she knows she has been caught. And hopefully she won’t do it again.

Obviously if she becomes aggressive then you may need to diffuse the situation and/or report it.

Some people that think their dogs are human i have no time for folk like that.
And fake grass is my other hate.

I suspect that she’s just incredibly entitled and isn’t used to anyone questioning her or asking her not to do something. And it’s very easy for these sorts of people to sniff out those who really don’t want any problems or confrontations and to almost use them as an example of why nobody else should dare question them. She’s done something that is bloody disgusting and she’s now got you considering apologising to her? Fuck that for a game of soldiers.

I’d be making very clear to all and sundry that you think she’s disgusting and that she should be ashamed of herself. You’ve shown her that you’re willing to be friendly and neighbourly if she is. She needs to see that you’re also not a pushover and that you’re very willing to be a problem if she wants to be one.

Wow, you are considering apologising to HER? What on earth for? You must be a complete pushover.

She was wrong to let her dog do its business there. If I saw her doing that again, I would be filming or taking a photos and reporting her to the management company.

It sounds like she is fed up of the kids noise and passively aggressively let her dog poo there to make some kind of point. I would stay polite and see how things develop. Asking her not to do it may be enough. Ignore her sighing etc there's no point engaging with it. You are allowed to ask her to stop and she is allowed to be annoyed about it. Definitely don't apologise.

She won't like you because you have pointed out her low grade behaviour. Why do you care though? She is leaving poo smears and urine in the kids play area. You don't need her to like you. You just need her to feel uncomfortable enough to stop.

I wouldn't be able to resist replying about how the kids at least aren't shitting in public areas...

Just ignore her - if anything, double down on the smiles and hellos, she will hate that!

I'm assuming there is a managing agent for this development?

Even if you don't know the apt number, you should complain and get other parents to complain too (perhaps with photos of said woman, dog and mess) as the managing agent should and could easily issue a letter to ALL flats and leaseholders, reminding them it's not allowed and a breach of their lease terms, at the least! They may also know who she is.

Dog mess is a major health hazard for children that can cause blindness. This is not a minor issue.