To feel disappointed at lack of friend messages after surgery?

[ScullyD]

I had an investigative surgery over a week ago after a long ordeal. The night before my best friend messaged and after to say she hoped I was ok. I thanked her and replied telling her what was discovered etc. about how I’m feeling. I’ve heard nothing since. (FYI my diagnosis is not terminal but something else affecting me quite badly)

a couple of days after I put a post on social media saying I’d had surgery and was looking for book/film recommendations while convalescing. People I hardly know expressed good wishes while my other close pal of 20+ years I had a holiday with last month sent a tv series recommendation but otherwise hasn’t asked how I am once.

Whats going on here? Only my family and a friend I’ve known for a few years called me. I’m feeling so low as my post op appointment confirmed recovery would take longer due to an infection.

I'm sorry to hear that OP. Unfortunately so many people these days get so involved in their own lives that they don't seem to worry about anyone other than their immediate family. However, if you went on holiday with a friend only last month, and all she's done is given you a TV recommendation, can't you text her, and tell her you're feeling low and could do with some company etc?

I hope that your recovery is quicker than you are now expecting. Look after yourself, but if you have genuine friends, then call or text them, and tell them that you need their help, company, whatever. If they're not forthcoming, then you know who to cross off your list.

@SunMoonandChocolate unfortunately she lives far away and I won’t see her until June.

my other best friend who lives 10 mins by car…I’m really surprised she hasn’t replied after I told her what was found. I’m hurt.

I know I could reach out to both and say I’m feeling low but it’s hard to do when I am already unwell, tired and emotional about what I feel is lack of care. I feel like I’d be bothering them seeing as they haven’t thought to do it themselves?

I can totally understand how you must be feeling OP, I'm pretty sure I would be the same. I think at the moment the best advice I can give you, is to try not to think about it, and concentrate on getting yourself well again. Then, wait and see how long it is before these friends contact you, and decide based on that, whether they are really worth your time in the future.

Meanwhile, sending you a virtual hug, and best wishes.

The vote is currently 50-50

If it had been a couple of days, I would say they were giving you time to recover. But a week? that's really disappointing. But also people who think it's okay

I'm sorry. I hope you feel better soon. 💐

You most certainly find out who your actual friends are…OR NOT! That’s for sure….we have all been there, as upsetting as it is. Hope you feel better soon…

Yep it’s been 8 days now. One of them posting on socials about what a great Easter weekend she has ahead. Oblivious.

why can’t they just say, how are you? Are they afraid of me or something? It’s bloody weird. No way I’d not be in touch for over a week if it was either of them.

I sympathise OP . I was equally surprised when I had a painful, major operation with a long recovery time last year, to find that one of my oldest friends didn't ask how I was for 3 weeks. Another texted Are you OK? the day after the op and I replied Yes, got through it. A bit brief but enough. Not asking at all is weird!

@ScullyD "Are they afraid of me or something?"

I wasn't sure if I should say this, but it's possible

afraid in the sense that you might ask them to help with stuff? Yeah, I think that's possible. I think these days people are incredibly unwilling to step up. I don't know what your situation is or if you have help from elsewhere. But yes absolutely I think when there is a health issue people will step away, partly because it's depressing for them and partly because they don't want to help in a practical way.

It really bugs me, but I genuinely believe that people just do not want to provide support and friendship any more and as long as they've got a partner or other family stepping up for them, they won't do anything really to help

maybe it isn't a change, though
Maybe it's always been like that

it does feel as if people are so obsessed with whatever crap I found on the Internet today that they've lost sight of what friendship actually means

I completely agree.