To ask for possible solutions?

[Carlie97]

I'm supposed to be going away at the end of the month with my mother and her partner. We get on OK but they're negative, argumentative and controlling and after each time away with them, I come back thinking 'never again'.

I paid a lot for this holiday and paid for all of us.

I have the pets booked to stay in expensive boarding.

The closer it gets to going away, the more I'm dreading it.

I can't cancel the holiday as I'll get no money back and the same with the pet boarding.

What are my options? Help me see clearly.

A) go and have the same sort of holiday you usually do and hate it
B) go but say that you are doing xyz and they can join or not join, or equally you are doing your own thing on these three days and you'll see them later
C) go by yourself, cancel their holiday and never speak to them again due to the huge fallout
D) don't go and they go and never speak to them again due to the huge resentment

I'd go for option B

I would go and set some ground rules or be strict about what you will and won’t do. Make sure you do things for yourself and don’t be afraid of going off by yourself some days.
If you don’t enjoy yourself make this the last holiday you take with them!

Go on holiday, but set your expectations and boundaries with them now.
Carve out a time every day where you are free do your own thing, follow your own interests.
Set a new expectation - that you now spend just part of the day with them.

• I will be getting up early for a sunrise walk along the headland and have breakfast later when I get back
• I will leave you to have supper alone, I’m doing a sunset walk.
• I’m taking an early/late bus to explore xyz, I will catch up with you both later.

Your options are endless.

This is my own strategy - I say it as a statement, not an option.

I actually don't think I can share accommodation with them. I think I'm going to have them go alone and suck up the cost of me paying for it all as one of those things. I will still put my pets in boarding and get away for a few days myself.

I rang her this morning as its a beautiful day and she likes to be up doing things when it's nice and she told me to 'stop it'. Talking maybe? Who knows? She's a very difficult, unkind person that measures her being nice to me in material things. I'm not like that though. She acts like she hates me.

If you decide not to go, do yourself (not her) a favour by not getting drawn into a row. Make an excuse (not feeling great, which is true!) and bow out. Then make yourself a promise. Never compromise your happiness by doing something with someone who doesn’t mind you paying but is clearly mean to you. A short break with your mum shouldn’t be causing you this anxiety. She needs to rethink her mothering towards you. Good luck op.

I know the ship has sailed now but why did you book and pay for this holiday? Or has something happened since you booked it? I think that would affect what I would choose to do - i.e. if they've done something awful after knowing you had paid £££ to take them on holiday, I'd kick them off the trip and go by myself without a second thought!

I’m confused why you engage so much with someone so negative. I’d be dropping the rope more.

Tell them they were rude and you have cancelled the holiday and find a friend to go with