To want to understand why my mother does this?

[Carlie97]

I've not always got along with her and she puts everyone before me. I keep my distance.

One thing she does, which she's done today is compare situations with me as if it's a competition, for example I have issues with my noisy neighbours and their dog barking at intervals of ten minutes or so throughout the day. Today she rattled off issues she's having with her neighbours and said '...and you think you have problems with your neighbours. How many dogs do yours have? Two? My neighbours have five'.

Another example is I have a chronic illness and have been on a four month flare up. She'll say '...and you think you have health problems. Fred (her husband) had his large intestine removed the other week, and oh, bloody hell, the pain he's been through'.

It's like she has to compare my situation when things aren't rosy for me and give an example of her/her husband faring much, much worse. Why does she do this?

My mother does this. It’s infuriating. I don’t handle it well. I just revert to being a stroppy teenager and roll my eyes saying irritably “oh ffs, ok, you win. I can’t say anything can I?”

Because she would like your sympathy

I give her sympathy though and suggest solutions to her issues. She still does it.

It's shit, isn't it? It's like our problems aren't valid or as much. She always, always makes out like hers, her husbands or anyone is worse off than me. It was the same when my cousin had depression. I'd got no sympathy from my mum when I had depression prior and at the same time as my cousin. She'd come out with '...and you think you're depression. Your poor cousin...' and this would be after she'd watched me cry and battle my mental health daily for months.

Some people do this, whatever you do or say, it's worse for them.

My sister has a different trait. She can be a bit dramatic about a problem, but whatever anyone suggests as a solution she finds a reason why it won't work. In the end I started offering two opposing solutions and when she rejected both I would say "oh dear, you are stuffed then, if neither A or B will work I can't see a way out, you will just have to put up with it". That did have the result that she shut up moaning about that particular issue as she had backed herself into a corner.

With regards to your mum, you just have to accept it, as annoying as it is, and don't look to her for any random support or advice.

Your mum could be MY mum! Only she is alone and doesn't have a fred so it's her she compares.

Me: I've been under the weather with a bad cold
Her: I've been so unwell it's practically flu, I'm surprised Im not in hospital.

Me: oh I didn't really like that xyz
Her: yes I tried it and it was so bad I had to send it back/ask for a refund etc etc

So many examples of her one-upmanship I could share. It's mostly all tosh. She also argues so hard that she'll flip sides half way through an arguement and end up arguing against her starting opinion!

But she's a narcissist through and through so nothing surprises me any more.

My DM was the same! Always had it far worse! In my first marriage I had 2 DC. If the house wasn’t spotless she’d point out well she managed to keep a house clean with three (!!) kids. Forgot that I worked and she didn’t. Her injuries and illnesses were always far worse and with extra symptoms if you happened to have the same cold etc. sort of weird one upmanship I suppose!

I've realised recently how much people are becoming more attention seeking as they are getting older. They need more validation, almost like they are feeling like they ain't seen anymore.

This is my experience anyway and it's annoying but I guess we've all gotta get old. Apparently it can be caused by pain sending them a bit unlike their old selves .

My mum drives me round the bend but I'll miss her once she's gone so I have to keep biting my tongue to her attention seeking haha.