AIBU to skip a family gathering because we have coughs

HettyMeg · 2026-04-03T08:38:25+00:00

This feels like a throwback to a few years ago. Would it be unreasonable to attend a family gathering (with elderly relatives) if 2 of us have a cough? Cough started about 8 days ago but I'm worried it might be infectious and can't remember the general rule. No fever or other symptoms. YABU = You should not attend YANBU = You could still go

Fbfbfvfvv · 03/04/2026 09:58

I wouldn’t go with a cough, or I would pre-warn them and ask the elderly relatives what they would prefer you to do.
I wouldn’t just turn up with a cough in this scenario.

Loopylalalou · 03/04/2026 10:02

I’d not go. Elderly relative could pick up something from someone else in passing, you’d get the blame, even if staying as far away as way as possible from them.
I have a terrible cough due to an allergy at the moments (as regularly do) so am well versed in this situation.

DallasMajor · 03/04/2026 10:03

Ask them. It is patronising to decide for them.

8 days is probably tail end, give them the facts, let them decide.

AnneLovesGilbert · 03/04/2026 10:06

I’d ask how the other people feel and decide based on that. My DC both have lingering coughs so when we’ve had plans I’ve told the other people that and left it up to them. Every single one of them has said they or their DC have the same so they’re happy to meet. But I’ve been clear I won’t mind rescheduling if they’d rather not eg if they’ve just got over it or someone’s vulnerable.

Both DC are asthmatic so I’m quite cautious the other way round and say we don’t want to risk catching anything if they’re currently well. Just be honest.

GardeningMummy · 03/04/2026 10:37

Not if they’re elderly. What could ‘just’ be a simple chest infection for us, could potentially turn into something much worse for an elderly person. Even if not generally immunocompromised, their immune systems aren’t anywhere near as robust as ours. Also, a lot of people especially the older generation, don’t always share health info, so may not tell you if they’re immunocompromised (even though they should!) and I genuinely don’t mean that to sound ageist. My mum is 81 and won’t tell me any of her health issues and her friends are the same. Her mother was the exact same, we didn’t know she had cancer until she became terminal. Do not go, OP

MotherofPufflings · 03/04/2026 10:39

Unlikely to still be infectious at 8 days. Ask them what they would prefer

GardeningMummy · 03/04/2026 10:40

Loopylalalou · 03/04/2026 10:02

I’d not go. Elderly relative could pick up something from someone else in passing, you’d get the blame, even if staying as far away as way as possible from them.
I have a terrible cough due to an allergy at the moments (as regularly do) so am well versed in this situation.

Yes my DD has Asthma and I can relate, especially right after Covid 🤦🏼‍♀️ Even with a mask on, we got chucked out of countless shops/supermarkets/play centres etc when she was coughing due to asthma. It was horrible. The foul looks we got will stick with me

DallasMajor · 03/04/2026 10:51

GardeningMummy · 03/04/2026 10:37

Not if they’re elderly. What could ‘just’ be a simple chest infection for us, could potentially turn into something much worse for an elderly person. Even if not generally immunocompromised, their immune systems aren’t anywhere near as robust as ours. Also, a lot of people especially the older generation, don’t always share health info, so may not tell you if they’re immunocompromised (even though they should!) and I genuinely don’t mean that to sound ageist. My mum is 81 and won’t tell me any of her health issues and her friends are the same. Her mother was the exact same, we didn’t know she had cancer until she became terminal. Do not go, OP

Edited

Of course it is ageist.

You have unilaterally decided that they can't possibly make a decision for themselves because they are old.