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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to apply for a job where I would supervise my nasty ex?

14 replies

Letsformanallegiance · 03/04/2026 00:47

I need some honest outside perspective because I feel like I am going round in circles with this.

I worked for an organisation for 11 years in a fairly senior role. It is a small set up, around 20 staff, and I had a really solid reputation there and performed to a high standard.

During that time, my then husband also got a part time role there, which I actually coached him to get. It is the kind of service that runs 24/7 and he only does one shift a week. Everyone there knew we were married at the time.

I left the organisation to go self employed, but work has recently dried up and I am now in a position where I really need stable income again.

A role has come up at the same organisation and, on paper, it is ideal for me. The hours work perfectly, it is fully remote, and it is essentially a step back into something I know I can do well.

The complication is that my ex still works there. If I applied and got the role, I would likely be supervising staff at his level, including him.

Our breakup was extremely difficult and we are still in the middle of divorce proceedings. There was dishonesty, infidelity, financial damage and involvement from the police. He continues to harass me and has portrayed me as the “bad one,” which is very far from the reality.

We also had joint businesses which he effectively destroyed by taking assets, which is a large part of why I am now having to look for work again.

I am confident I could remain professional at work, but I do not believe he is capable of doing the same. He has very little insight into his behaviour and tends to escalate situations rather than de-escalate them.

I also strongly suspect that he has already shared his version of events with colleagues, which could put me at a disadvantage reputationally before I have even started.

So my dilemma is this:

Do I apply for a role that I am very well suited for, knowing it could create tension and potentially escalate into issues within a small team?

Or do I walk away from what could be a very practical solution for me financially, in order to avoid what could become a stressful or even harmful working environment?

Part of me feels very strongly that I should not allow him to impact my career or limit my options.

Another part of me is aware that this could become a complicated situation very quickly, particularly in a small organisation where everyone knows each other.

I would really appreciate honest views from people who have either been in similar situations or have experience managing small teams.

Would you apply, or would you see this as too much of a risk? Jobs are very hard to come by these days.

OP posts:
ToKittyornottoKitty · 03/04/2026 00:56

I wouldn’t apply for this job, sounds like a disaster waiting to happen

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 03/04/2026 01:00

Well, I suppose you could always resign if things really went tits up.

Sorry, that wasn't very helpful.

If you're qualified and capable, go for it.

Onautopilot · 03/04/2026 01:06

I wouldn't apply, despite the temptation to. You may be able to keep your work and private life separate, but as sure as hell HE won't. You would be giving him such an opportunity to slander you, raise false HR complaints and even sabbotage your career. And, if you ever leave the company, the rumours will follow you. Mud sticks, whether it's valid or not.
It's not fair, I get that, but preserving your integrity should be your priority, and don't put yourself in his cross-hairs any more than necessary.
Good luck, both career and divorce wise.

Letsformanallegiance · 03/04/2026 01:15

Onautopilot · 03/04/2026 01:06

I wouldn't apply, despite the temptation to. You may be able to keep your work and private life separate, but as sure as hell HE won't. You would be giving him such an opportunity to slander you, raise false HR complaints and even sabbotage your career. And, if you ever leave the company, the rumours will follow you. Mud sticks, whether it's valid or not.
It's not fair, I get that, but preserving your integrity should be your priority, and don't put yourself in his cross-hairs any more than necessary.
Good luck, both career and divorce wise.

Yes this is exactly his approach. I can see him petitioning to the MD if I were appointed and finding lots of ‘evidence’ (which is all manipulated and twisted) to dig dirt on me. I think it’s prob best I leave it.

I have two interviews lined up so fingers crossed one of those will go well instead.

Thanks for your well wishes.

OP posts:
Sesame2011 · 03/04/2026 01:19

Wtf no, do not apply

Ella31 · 03/04/2026 01:28

I hate writing that you shouldn't go for it. It should not be that way but I think he would make your life hell and even if he didn't, you'd always be on the back foot about what he's saying. I'd give this one a miss unfortunately

Sensiblesal · 03/04/2026 01:41

Walk away.

been there & it will take everything you have got & you will feel like every day is an uphill battle.

just don’t do it for your own mental health

Wordsmithery · 03/04/2026 02:42

Misery all round if you ended up working there. Plus I'm quite sure the company would run a mile if they knew the set up.

tamade · 03/04/2026 03:00

If you are concerned about your career I think taking the job would be the most damaging option. Your ex will be unmanageable.

Look for pastures new, good luck with the interviews.

Giftspread · 03/04/2026 03:01

I wouldn't consider it. Don't think about why it would be great for you, think about why it won't.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 03/04/2026 04:09

I think its a bad idea (but frustrating as you know the job itself is a great fit).

Letsformanallegiance · 03/04/2026 04:57

Thanks everyone, it would just prolong my agony and he’d constantly be trying to trip me up. I need to give my head a wobble 😂 Pastures new it is!

OP posts:
Lurkingandlearning · 03/04/2026 05:18

I also think taking that job would be a bad idea.

Are there any senior staff there who, having known you and your work for eleven years, wouldn’t be swayed by his obviously biased opinion of you? If so it might be worth contacting them and explaining that you need to end self employment and find a job. They might know of opportunities in other companies/ organisations that would be a good fit, or maybe help in some other way to get you back into work they know you do well. Even recommending you to recruiters they use might give you a slight edge.

MissSmiley · 03/04/2026 12:07

Take the job then sack him 😂

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