AIBU to feel like giving up on job hunting after two final‑round rejections?

[NoNameNoOne]

I’ve fairly recently twice gone through 3 rounds of really tough interview processes for two different companies, both put forward by the same recruiter. Think the apprentice style big intense presentation and appraisal style over the course of hours.
Both times I was told I was the favourite.
Both times I got a last‑minute message saying I wasn’t good enough.
Today’s one said they “loved me” but chose someone with competitor experience but over a decade less industry experience. The last one went to a man with less experience altogether than me. And recently I’ve watched someone with zero industry experience be placed above me in my company on more money.
I’ve got 21 years in this industry and I know I could have done all of these roles more than competently. I’m normally pretty resilient but today it’s really knocked me. I feel like giving up trying to move on, but feel totally undervalued where I am.
Has anyone else been through this and come out the other side? I just feel a bit shit and could do with hearing something hopeful. Have recently started HRT patches too so feeling like this is probably having a knock on effect to how I feel. 6 weeks in and still feel crap too. Anyone with perky words of hope or jokey words to make a menopausal reject feel a bit better would be greatly received.

@NoNameNoOne the more senior the role the more brutal the process. I've lost count of the jobs I haven't got in the past but should have. I persisted, still managed good progression over time and once DC independent went freelance. Which was the best thing for me, no more recruitment processes and lots of variety.
Take a breather and get back in there, might be that the right job is just around the corner.

Is it worth changing your references? You might have a wonky one and that’s the point they are calling them in…

Definitely not references... 100% certain of this :(

I'd take heart that you've made it to the final round twice. Surely, the third time, whenever that is, will be the charm.
And, yes, it is a tough process. So give yourself a treat; take a break for a few months if necessary, but ultimately, get back on the horse.
As for the last minute swerves, you may have dodged a bullet each time.
Remember, there are lots of roles you could do, so keep applying until someone realises your potential.

Who is telling you you're the favourite? If it's the recruiter, I'd take that with a pinch of salt since it's in their interest to encourage you. Also, I'd ask the recruiter how many candidates they're putting forward for these positions.

Tbh this is why I never bother with recruiters now. I’ve gone through this and it’s obvious someone else had the job in the bag, the recruiter just adds a few more candidates so the employer feels like they chose the right person.

I feel for you. I’m experiencing the same, get to the final hurdle and get an unexpected rejection.
usually for weird reasons!

most recently, told by my agent that I have the job and to expect an only to have a third stage interview with no warning.

currently awaiting outcome of a second stage interview 16 days ago…

This happened to me. Also when menopausal. Felt as if I was being repeatedly passed over. In a moment of madness I applied to retrain to be a teacher. I asked in the interview whether my age was a barrier. It was the first time in a long time that someone had said it was a positive advantage. Did the training, have made significant progress in my career since qualifying.

Point being, perhaps you're in an industry that doesn't respect what you have to offer.

This is normal.

Especially at the current time, employers have the pick of the market and not everyone who gets to final stage can be successful. Usually everyone at final stage CAN do the job so the winner can be picked on a tiny difference.

@ProudCat

did you go into primary or secondary?

If you feel like packing it all
in now - maybe this lack of resilience is apparent to the employers and putting them off you .?

It’s tough out there right now, I’d been job hunting for almost a year with plenty of interviews, second interviews and not getting the role.

Its a kicker but carry on, pick yourself up and apply to the next one, it will happen it’s just very competitive at the moment, especially for more senior roles.

Goodluck! Il keep my fingers crossed for you 🤞

Well given that each time I was told I was the front runner cannot see how they would pick up a lack of resilience. Also in my role you have to be fairly tough, though I do agree since hitting menopause my self confidence as well as everything has taken a hit.

I interviewed as hiring manager for a role recently and the front runner at first stage of who had the most experience lost out at 2nd stage to a candidate who didn't come across as confident but had much better culture fit. Happens. Never assume it's in the bag

It's so brutal out there.

Is it possible that if both candidates had less experience than you, that they were asking for lower salaries?

I hate thinking like this but in the current climate it might have come down to numbers.

I would take it as a positive that you getting to the final stage. That says you are very close and it will not take much more to get an offer. That "more" could be just a bit more luck. But do reflect on anything you could improve - even marginaly.

You need to keep going. DH went through 14 interviews for a very senior role over 9 months and got told no for reasons they knew at the beginning! Another few rounds the year after. He was also fed up. I encouraged him to keep going and he finally landed an alternate role he is happy with. It is tough at the top. It the aim is to leave you need to be resilient and keep going until it happens. You said you are good at your job. Perhaps you need to work on your confidence and be able to sell yourself better?

Just a quick update! I have secured a role I really want, for a great company with planned progression and a better package than I was on. I stuck at it and it paid off. Thanks for all those that have me great advice x ❤️