Would this make u leave?

[dlb12]

Been seeing someone for about a month. He has a dark, twisted sense of humour (as do I). Showed him a TikTok where the woman jokes about “shagging his dad and making him the stepson” so I cracked a joke that I’d do the same. He laughed along then said “I have a joke but I can’t say”

as a lot of people do, I was like “no just say it”

the joke?

”I could shag your 16 year old daughter”

this crossed a line to me; but his response was that he was never going to say it, I’d dragged it out of him. He said I shouldn’t be joking about his dad….

to me it feels different. So I said it’s not ok, she’s a child to which he said “not a child. She’s legal”

I can’t imagine most normal men joking like this.

hes never met my children. Doesn’t have any of his own. He’s 35 years old.

AIBU - its just a bad joke you made him say
YNBU - leave

Sounds like he's a perfect match. Carry on enjoying your hilarious "dark twisted sense of humour". Personally I think you both sound vile.

It all sounds very weird, to be honest. I can’t imagine joking about shagging the father of someone I was dating.

But that said, you won’t feel comfortable with him being around your daughter now, regardless of how it all started. It’s only been a month; put it down to experience and move on.

Do you actually have a 16yo daughter? If so, it's inappropriate and keep in mind he didn't just say this, he defended it. If you don't, then I'd guess he chose 16 BECAUSE that is the youngest age that he could defend as being "legal" (creepy in and of itself), but of course a 16yo is still a child and if he considers legality the only reason an adult would not have sex with a child then that's not great.

Your joke wasn't funny either, and he felt it was "off" enough for him to dump you then fair dos. You're not obliged to be in a relationship with each other.

I clearly have a very different sense of humour to both of you. I don’t see what’s funny about either joke - not in a “they’re too dark for me” kind of way, just that “haha I could shag your dad” isn’t actually a joke.

I would take his “she’s legal” comment to mean “we’re both joking about shagging family members, but I haven’t stooped to joking about an actual child”.

Also the fact he’s never met her means he isn’t actually thinking about her, just taking the “joke” to another level.

If you’re uncomfortable, end it. I can’t say what I’d do because I wouldn’t have got past a first date with someone with that sort of sense of humour.

I assume you wouldn't shag his dad as much as he wouldn't shag your daughter. Both as bad as each other but you did ask him and I guess the fact he mentioned 16 was just his 'defence'. I assume he was foolishly trying to match you. Go with your gut. If you like him then make a deal that references to young girls are off limits. If you have doubts anyway, ditch.

You can't say you have a dark humour and then be offended by that, it's pretty mild compared to some of the things I've heard.
Was you having sexual thoughts about his dad when you made the joke? I'd guess not and I'd guess your partner wasn't having them about your daughter either, it was just a come back to your joke.

I couldn’t ever get past him saying that, vile. Joking about his dad is nothing in comparison 🤢

Well I'd not see him again but then I wouldn't have joked about shagging his dad either 🤷🏻‍♀️

One month in, you don't even know each other so it's a bit risky to introduce risqué 'jokes' when you don't actually know each other's character and haven't built up enough of a relationship or connection to be able to withstand a 'darker' joke in the first place.

I think you sound perfect for each other

I have some dirty jokes but not like you too.
You both sound perfect for each other, disgusting jokes about shagging each others family members, you can say it but he cant, yeah your a right pair of filth thinking twats.

I think you are well matched tbh.

Always pay close attention to people’s jokes. They often reveal what is really going on in their minds. A joke is a way of expressing something shameful. You can’t say it openly, but you can say it (i.e ‘release it’) disguised as a joke.

I couldn't ever see him again
Please don't let him near your daughter

I wouldn't want him around my child.
Nothing dark about the humour, just rank.

It's really grim and now it's been said it can't be unsaid.
Your comment was grim too. If I were him and you'd said that yo me, it would have given me the ick. But I definitely wouldn't have responsed in the same way he did.
Why on earth did you say that to him?
In your shoes, I would end things and start again with someone new. And steer clear of grim tiktok jokes. Dark humour my arse.

FAFO

Okay so you both have the same shit 😂 sense of humour but yea I wouldn’t like the ‘she’s legal’ comment, it’s a gross thing to say about your teenager, any teenager.

What a weird first post.

You both sounds gross